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Results 1 to 16 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    129

    The Strange Conversations That Must Have Happened

    "In no region had the messengers discovered any signs or tidings of the Riders or other servants of the Enemy." -- The Ring Goes South

    Gimli: So, Elf, do you think we should mention to Gandalf that there was a Nazgul stirring up wood-trolls and trying to raise an undead dragon?
    Legolas: No; it'll only upset him.

    (Walking into Lorien and finding the Fellowship resting there.)

    PC1: Think they know anything about that dead Balrog we found on the side of the mountain?
    PC2: Probably not. Dude! Let's see if Pippin has any pipe-weed!


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Maybury Hill
    Posts
    216
    PC to Aragorn: We’ll I’m glad you had a nice time chilling in Rivendell, while I slogged my guts out to Evendim and back to get some lousy gem to reforge your b***dy sword!
    Aragorn: Yeah sorry about that...
    PC: The amount of swimming I had to do, back and forth across the lake, all because you couldn’t be a bit more polite to the blue lady a few decades ago! And seriously, it would have been a hell of a lot easier breaking into the tomb and having to batter the giant tortoise with your help - you know, greatest of living men and all that... geez
    Aragorn: Still, you’re back now. Lembas?
    “...and he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days”

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    129
    Calenglad: Farewell! I will return!
    PC: Have you ever considered that Gondor and Arnor wouldn't be so diminished if you guys would, you know, fall in love with Dunedain women that would actually be willing and able to bear your children? I mean, Aragorn's only shot at having children is to be king of Gondor and Arnor, while you--
    Calenglad: Shut up.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    1,071
    Random Dwarf NPC in Moria, "You are ill equipped to venture into Moria."
    PC, "Dwarf Dude, calm down, I will even go get you some goat dung, if you will just calm down."
    "I never feed trolls and I don't read spam" - Weird Al Yankovic

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    129
    Aragorn: Narsil is at last reforged! I shall call it Anduril!
    Elrond: Yes. But remember, you're going to need to melt it down for runes and shards about halfway through Moria.
    Aragorn: What?
    Elrond: Well, it's from the First Age, and everything, but trust me: that random sword you get from one of the thousands of Orcs attacking Rohan will be *so* much better at killing things.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Maybury Hill
    Posts
    216
    PC: OK, let me get this straight. I just stormed the orc camp and killed a bunch. Then, when I returned, you sent me back to kill one specific orc. Now I’ve done that, had to kill a whole bunch more, nearly died... and you want me to go back AGAIN to burn the barricades.
    NPC in Dimril Dale: Yeah; pretty much.
    PC: Could you not have just given me all the jobs at once? It would have saved me a hell of a lot of trouble.
    NPC: Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?
    “...and he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days”

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    2,206
    Moria dwarf: "You are ill-equipped to venture into Khazad-Dum!"

    PC: "I'm level 115, and every piece of my gear gives more stats than an entire set of Moria raid gear put together."

    Moria dwarf: "Uh... dwarves must fight for dwarves?"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Maybury Hill
    Posts
    216
    Legolas: I killed forty one.
    Gimli: I killed forty two.
    PC: That’s nothing! I killed ninety wolves, ninety goblins, ninety brigands, ninety spiders and sixty crebain. Then I left Ered Luin and started on the Shire...
    “...and he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days”

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    129
    Then Bilbo plucked up his courage and put his little hand in William's enormous pocket. There was a purse in it, as big as a bag to Bilbo. 'Ha!' thought he, warming to his new work as he lifted it carefully out, 'this is a beginning!'

    It was! Trolls' purses are the mischief, and this was no exception.


    'Ineffective against this target,' it squeaked, as it left the pocket . . .

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Maybury Hill
    Posts
    216
    Gandalf: I was sent back, naked, as my work was not yet done. I am now Gandalf the White.
    Gimli: So... You got picked up by the eagles, naked,and flown to Edoras to get a horse, then rode all the way to Fangorn in time to meet Treebeard, Merry and Pippin before we got here. Just one question: when did you have time to go shopping for that snazzy new white outfit and staff? I mean, I’m assuming they’re not the kind of things King Theoden just has lying around...
    Gandalf: When you’ve killed a Balrog and died, master dwarf, I might feel obliged to tell you. Until then, mind your own business.
    “...and he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days”

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    129
    "Think well, Saruman! Will you not come down?"

    A shadow passed over Saruman's face; then it went deathly white.

    "I can't, Gandalf!" he said. "Another raid group just entered the tower!"

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    396
    Elven NPC: Here, take this mop and clean up the mess.
    Player: Why can't you do it, you're just standing there?
    Elven:NPC: I can't, the devs nailed me to the floor. I haven't been able to walk around for over a year!
    “And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.”
    ? J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Maybury Hill
    Posts
    216
    Legolas: A red sun rises: blood has been spilled this night.
    Gimli: I don’t think you can link those together, elf. I’m fairly sure the sun is red every morning; it’s just the dispersal of cloud cover and atmospheric conditions that affect how we perceive it. Also, given the state of world affairs at the moment, it’s a pretty safe bet that blood has been spilled every night. If perhaps you used a full stop instead of a colon and made two separate statements, it might be more appropriate -
    Legolas: (rolls eyes and carries on running)
    “...and he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days”

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    129
    Dream Galadriel: You must come to Lothlórien! Come to Lothlórien… and bring the Ghost.
    PC: Uh . . . Dream Galadriel, when you float in the air like that, I can see up your dress.
    Dream Galadriel: That's it. Somebody give me the Ring; I need to eradicate something from Middle Earth.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Maybury Hill
    Posts
    216
    PC: But Gandalf, how are you still in Bree? I just met you in Rivendell... and Mirkwood ... and Minas Tirith ... and Mordor ... and -
    Gandalf: (turns PC into frog)
    “...and he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days”

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Gallifrey. I need a Jelly Baby.
    Posts
    20,439
    Random Ranger: "You, I know that you have been saving everybody, but talk to this person for me".


    PC: "uh, he's literally 10 feet away, and he's gonna tell me to come back to you....".
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out & proclaiming "WOW, what a ride!"
    Continuing the never ending battle to keep Lobelia Sackville-Baggins in check

 

 

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