Right now my boyfriend is in our living room with his headset on, grouped up with others in SWTOR. Every time he does this, I become very sad and lonely. I have severe social anxiety to the point that I have never grouped with anyone in Lotro other than my boyfriend; I've been playing this game for 3 years. I *want* to socialize, more than I could ever put into words but .. just the mere thought of having to carry on a conversation in chat or through mic makes me shaky nervous. I'm not on meds because that stuff tends to cause more problems than they are worth, and awkward is part of who I am, not something I need to pop pills to alter. Times like now, however, I really wish I could just reach out and befriend someone in-game.
I avoid people all the time, in real life and in-game. I've been known to log right out of the game when someone has approached me and started conversing (that's pathetic of me) because I got too nervous to handle it. Is there anyone else on this server or in this game who are dying to reach out and make friends but their social anxiety stops them dead in their tracks?
On the show The Big Bang Theory they had a character, Raj's girlfriend, last season who's social anxiety was so bad she would climb out of bathroom windows to escape the panic feeling she endured when being around others. For once, I felt there was someone like me on tv that might help others understand what people like myself go through .. but they have not brought her back this season. I feel like I am in a sea of people, most don't even care that I exist and the few who do take a chance on me I bail on because I'm such a mess. They have no idea just how much a simple "hello" means to me, yet I reward them by running off.
Anyone else out there going through this? I could really use someone to possibly talk to. This being said, if I don't come back to respond, please don't take it personally. I'm probably off in some little corner of Middle Earth crying tears of failure and loneliness.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.