We have detected that cookies are not enabled on your browser. Please enable cookies to ensure the proper experience.
Results 1 to 25 of 115

Hybrid View

  1. #1

    On the logic of the cold kinship invite: Manners, salesmanship, and gender bias

    Ever been sent a 'tell,' out of the blue, inviting you to join a kinship? This morning, I was out in the Lone Lands with my level 27 minstrel, an elf maid. Suddenly, the tell-tale 'ding', announcing the arrival of a chat message. "Would you like to join our kinship?" My first impulse was to respond, 'er, what? why would I?' There had not been so much as a hello-how-do-you-do, no boilerplate description announcing the name and rank etc etc of the kinship. Just, "would you like to join our kinship?" I assumed on the spot that such rough-around-the-edges social skills must have belonged to a very young player, chronologically speaking, so I politely replied, "no thank you," and continued killing creatures in search of their sturdy hides. But the incident got me thinking. And it's by no means the first time I have been a recipient of the cold kinship invite. In fact, it's been something of a sociological experiment. This character happens to be my newest. I have a lvl 85 human LM who belongs to a kinship, and has belonged to the same kinship since, oh, level 15. I have a lvl 28 human burglar who belongs to no kinship and never has; ditto, for my lvl 43 elven hunter. Interestingly, all the latter three characters are male. None of them, ever, received a cold kinship invite. (My LM himself responded to an announcement in Bree about such-and-such a kin, was interested in the description, and contacted the kinship's leader.) So, what's up with inviting only female characters to join a kinship? and what, in the name of wonder, is up with the cold kinship invite?? It's a small sample - a sample of me - but I'm wondering whether others have had a similar experience, or a different experience. What are your thoughts?

    EDIT: this is at least the fourth time that my female elf minstrel has received a cold kinship invite. Makes me think that elves, or minstrels, or females must be very popular members of kinships.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    933
    I used to get so many on all of my alts[all male] on both accounts, I had to disable kin invites and go annon. Now it is the desperate adverts for kins that I see in chat, Join X Kin and get Officer rank, usually followed by spam invites like you got as well.

    So yes, little or no social graces from the recruiters, makes me think it is an age thing.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    1,875
    Better receiving an ims with a request than a a ninja invite without anything.
    The request for my kin was starting with a simple tell, which was "ever thought to join a kin?", followed by a long discussion that convinced me. Worked out fine for me.

    On my non-kin characters my personal statistics say the number of invites is independent of character gender.

    I do not think this is only due to age. It is due to generations. Have a look at facebook, twitter etc. gazillions of friends, followers etc.
    In this generation you'd rather have to explain why you decline a friendship instead of the other one convincing you why you should have one.

  4. #4
    I get a lot of invites on my L75 m LM. I suspect it's mostly because of the beard and tight fitting trousers.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Somewhere
    Posts
    82
    My best friend and I used to get so many either ninja kin invites or people pestering us through tells about it that we eventually went and used all of our alts to make a Kin of our own. Seems like having a Kin name floating under our usernames did the trick, since once an alt joined our kin, the pestering stopped.

    As for any rhyme or reason to it.... I've actually noticed that it happens more on my low-level toons that start in or near the Bree-land area, I don't ever remember this happening in the Ered Luin area, or in places farther away from Bree.

    What I have had happen a LOT is a very similar thing with fellowship invites- usually along the lines of me being in a high-level zone, and all of a sudden some low-level toon back in Bree will start spamming me with Fellowship invites, and never respond when I PM them asking why they want my help. And they usually don't stop until I have either added them to ignore or I've logged off and switched to another toon.
    [IMG]http://i60.tinypic.com/10hncxh.jpg[/IMG]
    [COLOR="#8B4513"][MY ALTS] [B]Balvur[/B] warden/ [b]Hallti[/b] guardian/ [b]Hila[/b] burglar/ [b]Elenauriel[/b] runekeeper/ [b]Dolmifaynar[/b] minstrel [/COLOR]
    I speak my mind because it [COLOR="#B22222"][i]hurts[/i][/COLOR] to bite my tongue

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    3,437
    In most cases... those types of kins just want bodies. I have had countless invites on male toons of varying classes. And I would also add... that because you got a tell, you were dealing with a more evolved kin than some. I tend to get the straight up /invite having to decline a popup in mid-battle. Enfuriating enough, I'd likely put a couple of entire kinships on ignore if the system supported it.

    Now, for healers... there is a bias, but I don't think it has to do with kin invites. I still claim random invites are all about numbers. If a kin needs a healer for content... they are gonna talk to you first to make sure you actually intend to help and/or CAN help. The healer bias comes with random group invites. People just scan the fellowship panel and start with 85 healers, then work their way down the classes. Its just one of the reasons that anonymous is such a valuable tool. I love getting tells asking for help... I loathe people who argue when I can't or who don't even bother asking before sending invites... sadly, these are very common.

    I only have 1 female character. My dozens of other male toons ALL get blasted with random kin invites. I claim that gender is only an issue with a very small number of very specific people. And in those cases, the problem is in all apsects of their play and not just in who they invite to their kin.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    1,544
    Quote Originally Posted by Temrhyn View Post
    As for any rhyme or reason to it.... I've actually noticed that it happens more on my low-level toons that start in or near the Bree-land area, I don't ever remember this happening in the Ered Luin area, or in places farther away from Bree.
    Bree is the usual recruiting area for kins as it's the main hub for new players that don't have a kin yet, so no surprise you get more invites there than elsewhere.

    As for "poor social skills", remember a lot of people in this game may come from completely different cultural backgrounds than yourself. Personally I can get pretty annoyed with long-winded social "foreplay" (on the receiving end) when people just want to ask a simple question, just wastes everyones time. Also has something to do with communication channels: a chatroom (this includes tells) is a very different situation than a face-to-face talk or a phone call, as you never really know if there actually is someone on the other end. Even if you get a initial reply the other person may go AFK or log off any second without you noticing, such circumstances may push some people to be more direct than usual.

    Of course there are also a lot of immature kids and jerks around, but not every ninja tell/invite indicates one.
    Used to play: 85 Champ / Captain / Runekeeper / Guardian, Guild Master of everything but cooking.
    Playing now: Hellcat / King Tiger / GW Panther / IS / KV-5 / M4 Sherman and more

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    10,510
    Quote Originally Posted by Temrhyn View Post
    What I have had happen a LOT is a very similar thing with fellowship invites- usually along the lines of me being in a high-level zone, and all of a sudden some low-level toon back in Bree will start spamming me with Fellowship invites, and never respond when I PM them asking why they want my help. And they usually don't stop until I have either added them to ignore or I've logged off and switched to another toon.
    My reaction to THAT practice is...

    On the first blind invite, ignore it.
    On the second blind invite, send a polite tell asking that they not do blind invites.
    On the third blind invite, report for harassment.

    It rarely gets to the third stage, but it's there if needed. Some people don't get hints too well and you have to use the Clue-by-4.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    13,982
    Quote Originally Posted by thinx View Post
    Better receiving an ims with a request than a a ninja invite without anything.
    If you get a ninja ANY kind of request, you can say, "No, thank you."

    If, and only if, they start arguing with you, then you can /ignore them.
    Eruanne - Shards of Narsil-1 - Elendilmir -> Arkenstone

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,262
    Quote Originally Posted by djheydt View Post
    If you get a ninja ANY kind of request, you can say, "No, thank you."

    If, and only if, they start arguing with you, then you can /ignore them.
    So the other day when someone sent me a ninja request to join my kinship and I said 'No Thanks!', that was okay?
    Today is a good day for Pie.

    Do not meddle in the affairs of Burglars, for they are subtle and quick to shank you.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Moskvich View Post
    Ever been sent a 'tell,' out of the blue, inviting you to join a kinship? This morning, I was out in the Lone Lands with my level 27 minstrel, an elf maid. Suddenly, the tell-tale 'ding', announcing the arrival of a chat message. "Would you like to join our kinship?"
    You are describing the polite way to invite someone. The more common method is to get the Pop up window for Who_The_Heck_Is_This saying that you have been invited to their kinship - accept or reject. In Lotro, this popup grabs focus by seizing control of the game UI demanding that you do something about this request before you will be allowed to return to your current activities.

    Hence I disable all these popups (fellowship, kinship and spar) on my characters. All my characters are member of a kin so that I do not kin invites. I do not get tells. If I had to - I create my own personal kin to keep from being bothered.

    In Swtor, you get bothered all the time because all the members in a guild get a bonus to reputation and experience bonus based on the number of different accounts in the guild. You will get hassled by people who are looking to increase their bonus. They are not interested in any interaction.
    Unless stated otherwise, all content in this post is My Personal Opinion.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Yula_the_Mighty View Post
    You are describing the polite way to invite someone. The more common method is to get the Pop up window for Who_The_Heck_Is_This saying that you have been invited to their kinship - accept or reject. In Lotro, this popup grabs focus by seizing control of the game UI demanding that you do something about this request before you will be allowed to return to your current activities.
    LOL. True enough. By comparison, what I experienced this morning *was* polite. Not terribly socially adept, perhaps; certainly not terrific salesmanship, without a doubt. But at any rate, less impolite than the pop-up. Those pop-ups that demand a response NOW are loathsome.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    636
    Quote Originally Posted by Moskvich View Post
    ...So, what's up with inviting only female characters to join a kinship? and what, in the name of wonder, is up with the cold kinship invite?? It's a small sample - a sample of me - but I'm wondering whether others have had a similar experience...
    Yes and no.

    First, I think you're right that a combo of youth and social inexperience (and general youthful over-exuberance) is to blame for most blunt invites. (Better than a true "blind" invite, where the invite pop-up simply appears without comment - joy.) They mean well, they just don't know any better.

    I run a female elf when I run a TP farmer - it's a change of pace, something different than my mostly male alts (and better scenery than watching the backside of a dwarf). And since she only lasts a couple days I never bother to join my Kin with her, so she (in her various incarnations - close to 30 now?) gets "propositioned" to join kins on a regular basis. But my male characters are all in Kins, so... who knows?

    And, yeah, you are a rather small sample pool, even "those people who respond here" are hardly a meaningfully valid cross-section, but I'd think that with some (much) younger and over-enthusiastic (and under-experienced) players there may be some gender bias. I don't think I'd be going out on a limb to say that it's a mostly male player-base, and (newsflash) males tend to be attracted to female examples of the species. It's quite possible that a "female form" grabs a male's attention just a little more, even at the unconscious level, and so those kin-less characters are propositioned more often without any intent behind it. <shrugs> But so what? I mean... whadya expect, some fantasy world where everyone's treated as an equal?

    If it becomes irritating enough, there are many "zero-expectation" kins one can join, turn off /kinchat in your /chat box, and never look back. Good gaming!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    in the darkest depths of Mordor, meeting a girl so fair....
    Posts
    940
    Leveling up a champ since returning to the game recently, I've received cold kinship invites on the average of one per day - two or more if I'm hanging around Bree. I figured it was mostly new kinships trying to reach the survival threshold, and therefore not particular about who they were romancing.

    It did get irritating, so I came up with a better solution (to my own twisted mind) than the game's - I activated the champ title "raging frenzy" and then bought my own kinship document and named the kinship "Kinless Sociopaths". (I buy a new document every few days when the time limit runs out.) It worked; no more invites, and people generally put twenty feet of virtual distance around me, even in crowded places like the AH. I became what I beheld, and I am content....

    So if you're on Brandywine and you see a handsome, older elf who has intricate conversations with himself and seems to be the only member of Kinless Sociopaths, say hello - carefully - but don't ask to join.
    [B][COLOR="DarkOrange"]ad[/COLOR] [COLOR="MediumTurquoise"]astra[/COLOR] [COLOR="DarkOrange"]per alia[/COLOR] [COLOR="DarkRed"]porci[/COLOR][/B]

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Moskvich View Post
    EDIT: this is at least the fourth time that my female elf minstrel has received a cold kinship invite. Makes me think that elves, or minstrels, or females must be very popular members of kinships.
    I get cold invites all the time on the handful of characters that I have that aren't in kinships already. It doesn't matter if they're male, female, elf, dwarf, or whatever. People just have a hard time thinking of a good way to approach someone. At the very least they should have a conversation, or maybe fellow up for a little bit before sending the invite. You never know, the person sending the invite (or being invited) might be the biggest jerk in the game.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Moskvich View Post
    EDIT: this is at least the fourth time that my female elf minstrel has received a cold kinship invite. Makes me think that elves, or minstrels, or females must be very popular members of kinships.
    My $0.02 is that Minstrels (healers) are always in high demand. The fact that your Minstrel is female has nothing to do with it.. (still playing catch-up on the thread, so my apologies if this sentiment has already been offered)
    [I][COLOR=#daa520][FONT=comic sans ms]~ Occasional Taunter of Masked Badgers[/FONT][FONT=comic sans ms] ~[/FONT][/COLOR][/I]

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Moskvich View Post
    Ever been sent a 'tell,' out of the blue, inviting you to join a kinship? ...
    I've received a few 'cold' kinship invites which were join invitations with no talk beforehand and a few 'lukewarm' invites which involved talk before an invite, but most of the invites I've seen have been glff ads only. None of the invites bothered me. What does bother me is sending 'cold' fellowship invites and getting declined. That happens too often. Come on people, I'm trying to finish a quest or a slayer deed! I don't wanna have to compete with you. I've had accepts maybe one time in ten. And don't say "Let's talk first" cuz I just wanna finish the chore and move on.

    (Sorry, no sympathy from me. I even accept blind fellowship invites, most were dead ends, but some I enjoyed.)

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    13,982
    Quote Originally Posted by Moskvich View Post
    Ever been sent a 'tell,' out of the blue, inviting you to join a kinship? This morning, I was out in the Lone Lands with my level 27 minstrel, an elf maid. Suddenly, the tell-tale 'ding', announcing the arrival of a chat message. "Would you like to join our kinship?" My first impulse was to respond, 'er, what? why would I?' There had not been so much as a hello-how-do-you-do, no boilerplate description announcing the name and rank etc etc of the kinship. Just, "would you like to join our kinship?" I assumed on the spot that such rough-around-the-edges social skills must have belonged to a very young player, chronologically speaking, so I politely replied, "no thank you," and continued killing creatures in search of their sturdy hides. But the incident got me thinking. And it's by no means the first time I have been a recipient of the cold kinship invite. In fact, it's been something of a sociological experiment. This character happens to be my newest. I have a lvl 85 human LM who belongs to a kinship, and has belonged to the same kinship since, oh, level 15. I have a lvl 28 human burglar who belongs to no kinship and never has; ditto, for my lvl 43 elven hunter. Interestingly, all the latter three characters are male. None of them, ever, received a cold kinship invite. (My LM himself responded to an announcement in Bree about such-and-such a kin, was interested in the description, and contacted the kinship's leader.) So, what's up with inviting only female characters to join a kinship? and what, in the name of wonder, is up with the cold kinship invite?? It's a small sample - a sample of me - but I'm wondering whether others have had a similar experience, or a different experience. What are your thoughts?

    EDIT: this is at least the fourth time that my female elf minstrel has received a cold kinship invite. Makes me think that elves, or minstrels, or females must be very popular members of kinships.
    I suspect you just got a random /tell from a kinship that wants more members
    and observed that your female elf minstrel isn't in a kinship yet.

    I've never gotten a random kinship invite, but then all my characters have been
    IN a kinship since a few minutes past character creation. Starting with open beta.

    Edit: I have received the occasional cold fellowship invite, but I /tell them "No,
    thank you," and they've always taken that for an answer.
    Eruanne - Shards of Narsil-1 - Elendilmir -> Arkenstone

 

 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

This form's session has expired. You need to reload the page.

Reload