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  1. #1

    Why elves suck and we rock.

    I felt it was good to have a place for all those who play dwarves to vent off some steam, trade funny "And then the elf walked into the door!" stories, and generally explain why those tall-eared freaks are so bad.


    Personally, I dislike a race that makes claims to being first (they came second in fact) and generally think it is better then it is for no reason. Nine out of ten times, in most fantasy genre, they are the cause of more problems then they fix. In LotR, they run away despite the fact they helped to create the rings of power in the first place.

    (Don't believe that whole "We didn't know" line. After all, you notice that they made their three rings without Sauron. But like to claim they did not know what is going on? Pull the other, it has bells and finger-cymbals on it.)


    I will say they are good for hanging from the walls of a keep or castle. Operation Elven Shield should be in full effect!


    Oh and feel free to mention, of course :P, why you decided to play a dwarf.
    Last edited by NamelessZombie; Apr 09 2011 at 08:10 PM.

  2. #2
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    Thumbs up Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    YES! Silly little fools would rather hide in their trees and shoot arrows than fight face to face with some dignity!
    I just cant stand how they smirk from the sidelines as we march to save their cowardly @#$!

  3. #3

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Elves are smelly tree fondling hippies dedicated to the protection of their concept of nature (focused on trees).

    -Taken from Magmawiki


    +rep for making this thread.




    Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd âi-menu!
    Drobur Graventongue, Caravan-Master of the Mîmshol Trading Company

  4. #4

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Those durn fools- they talk of protecting the trees, but they destroy the rocks! If there's no more rocks, then there wont be any gold!

  5. #5

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    That has, in fact, always bothered me about elves. They act as if nature is found only in the forest and not a single person ever calls them on it.

    Last time I checked, dancing around naked under some trees does not bring you any closer to the ocean, the sky, the mountains, the beloved underground, or the river.

    Also, why is it that elves get a free pass when it comes to how they act? "He is only 120 years old, he is a young child ... to an elf". Well, was he kept in a room, under a rock, in some secret elf only world? I don't care how long you live, if you have seen 120 years worth of life, you should not act like a jackanape!

  6. #6

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Quote Originally Posted by NamelessZombie View Post
    That has, in fact, always bothered me about elves. They act as if nature is found only in the forest and not a single person ever calls them on it.

    Last time I checked, dancing around naked under some trees does not bring you any closer to the ocean, the sky, the mountains, the beloved underground, or the river.

    Also, why is it that elves get a free pass when it comes to how they act? "He is only 120 years old, he is a young child ... to an elf". Well, was he kept in a room, under a rock, in some secret elf only world? I don't care how long you live, if you have seen 120 years worth of life, you should not act like a jackanape!

    Exactly. Personally, I prefer underground stoneworks, mountains et cetera to be more beautiful than trees. It has a charm about it.
    I'd prefer to live like a dwarf than an Elf any day. Few can appreciate that kind of beauty (no surprise I'm a dwarf :P).
    Drobur Graventongue, Caravan-Master of the Mîmshol Trading Company

  7. #7

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    "Baruk Khazâd!"
    nuff said......
    [FONT=Trebuchet MS]"You can't fight the Enemy with his own Ring without turning into an Enemy" - J.R.R. Tolkien, Letter # 81


    [/FONT]

  8. #8

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Of course they suck.

    Remember that Elrond guy?

    "Throw it into the fire Isildur!"
    "No."
    "Okay! I'll just... uh... go back to Rivendell and mope."

    So the One Ring gets lost (duh) and returns (shocker!) and what is Elrond doing? He's bugging out. With the rest of them. Running away. Does he, just once, even consider mounting a defense against Sauron? Mobilizing what elves they have left and go out in a blaze of glory? Nope, he doesn't. He's too busy moping around in Rivendell, crying how Legolas used up all his bubble bath and how Arwen looks better in his purple dress.
    [CENTER]“A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition”

    [/CENTER]

  9. #9

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Takekaze View Post
    Of course they suck.

    Remember that Elrond guy?

    "Throw it into the fire Isildur!"
    "No."
    "Okay! I'll just... uh... go back to Rivendell and mope."

    So the One Ring gets lost (duh) and returns (shocker!) and what is Elrond doing? He's bugging out. With the rest of them. Running away. Does he, just once, even consider mounting a defense against Sauron? Mobilizing what elves they have left and go out in a blaze of glory? Nope, he doesn't. He's too busy moping around in Rivendell, crying how Legolas used up all his bubble bath and how Arwen looks better in his purple dress.
    And yet they STILL try to make it seem like their running away is somehow for the good of everyone .... you know.. those people they are leaving to clean up their mess for. You know.. those rings they helped build.

  10. #10
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Elves are prancy and cowardly
    Dorfs are stinky and lazy
    Men are valiant and heroic (anyone heard of the Age of Man?)
    Hobbits are funny and cute
    [center][color=#CC0000][B]Vernora ~ 65 Guardian ~ Endeavor[/B][/color]

    [color=#999999][I]"The Guardian is a great class for elves because they can use the shield as a mirror when putting on lipstick."[/I][/center][/color]

  11. #11
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Elves...

    Here's the thing. As a whole, I don't mind Tolkien's elves that much. Well, I do, but it depends. Elrond? Was a total idiot. Legolas? meh, nothing special there, the movies made him what he wasn't. Feanor? Possibly the most bad*** elf in the history of Arda. The ancient elven kings were good (and didn't hate on the dwarves).

    Today? The elves have spent thousands of years on Arda, and have almost nothing to show for it. If the dwarves lived as long as elves, the world would be naught but beauty and gold and silver and mithril. The elves work little, peferring to mourn under trees and run off to the west, instead of helping we free folk.

    And now, the late 3rd age... walk into the Pony and see how many elves there are. I swear, most of them are women that glued on pointy ears and don't know anything about elves. Just the other day, one was talking about getting a 'divorce', one (dressed in all black and fully clad in armor and 3 weapons) was pulling a blade on a roguish character that made a comment about his hat, one (also dressed in black, and fully armed and armored- with dwarf-make armor nonetheless; leading me to wonder where he stole it) was plotting with a man how they were going to conquer Eriador... are these really elves?

    If they are, time for Project Boatmurdered.

    Step 1: Dig deeper
    Step 2: Find magma
    Step 3: Pump stack!
    Step 4: Pump onto elven forest
    Step 5: Laugh at !!elves!!
    Step 6: ???
    Step 7: Profit!

  12. #12

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tekkud View Post
    Elves...

    Here's the thing. As a whole, I don't mind Tolkien's elves that much. Well, I do, but it depends. Elrond? Was a total idiot. Legolas? meh, nothing special there, the movies made him what he wasn't. Feanor? Possibly the most bad*** elf in the history of Arda. The ancient elven kings were good (and didn't hate on the dwarves).

    Today? The elves have spent thousands of years on Arda, and have almost nothing to show for it. If the dwarves lived as long as elves, the world would be naught but beauty and gold and silver and mithril. The elves work little, peferring to mourn under trees and run off to the west, instead of helping we free folk.

    And now, the late 3rd age... walk into the Pony and see how many elves there are. I swear, most of them are women that glued on pointy ears and don't know anything about elves. Just the other day, one was talking about getting a 'divorce', one (dressed in all black and fully clad in armor and 3 weapons) was pulling a blade on a roguish character that made a comment about his hat, one (also dressed in black, and fully armed and armored- with dwarf-make armor nonetheless; leading me to wonder where he stole it) was plotting with a man how they were going to conquer Eriador... are these really elves?

    If they are, time for Project Boatmurdered.

    Step 1: Dig deeper
    Step 2: Find magma
    Step 3: Pump stack!
    Step 4: Pump onto elven forest
    Step 5: Laugh at !!elves!!
    Step 6: ???
    Step 7: Profit!
    I support this plan, and believe we should follow it with an aggressive stance. For .. for the good of Middle Earth.

  13. #13

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Even my two elves support this plan. My hunter licks trees (a long time ago he had the idea that one could identify trees by tasting them, he's still working on it) and the RK just stays away from everyone, except dwarves.
    [CENTER]“A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition”

    [/CENTER]

  14. #14
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    interesting thread... I have 2 elves, 1 man, 1 dwarf, and 1 more elf I'm trying to lvl up to 30, like the rest... now, after playing around with the different classes, and different races, I've come to the conclusion that dwarves rule... considering my dwarf is a guardian in overpower stance, I think he not only looks the best, but also plays to my favorite playstyle: a heavy hitter with defensive capabilities... he pulls off the heavy armor look much better than the puny man champion I got... plus, when my dwarf walks around with a big 2H axe and heavy crossbow, it just FEELS right...

    as a side note, since I have decided I will very likely take this dwarven guardian to endgame, I thought about the RP side of how I consider my other characters... the 3 elves may just be parked at Esteldin as crafting servants for my superior dwarf, making crit gear from guild recipes (woodworker, jeweller, tailor)... the Breeland deluxe house is officially owned by the man, but since the dwarf has demonstrated superior skills, the dwarf shall relocate to Thorin's Hall homesteads in Ered Luin... the man will have to find work as the servant to the dwarf from Thorin's Hall, crafting weapons from the weaponsmith guild...

    the dwarven guardian is a soloist, but has 4 servants to supply him with free excellent crafted gear at his command... he has already taken over as the group's leader, demonstrating a wider selection of vocal skills than what the puny man can say, besides just 'agghhhh!', when enraging the minions of darkness... since those other characters have a good amount of gold, they shall be in charge of purchasing furniture and giving the dwarf supplies, resources, and first authority over everything that goes on during his journey to one day reach mordor in the distant future, and yell out 'baruk khazad!' at the enemy...

    if only that lazy bunch hurries up their guild reputation! the dwarf is impatiently waiting his gear from these puny servants, so that he may lay some hurt on some orcs... he can only do so much with his own crafted guild armor, but he needs a whole teal set of gear to further display his superiority to the servants who wear inferior purple gear!
    Last edited by Aztec_Soul; Apr 17 2011 at 08:57 PM.

  15. #15

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    All I have to say is if all you got out of The Lord of the Rings is that elves and dwarves are supposed to dislike each other, you seriously need to be hit in the head with a large rock to snap you out of whatever coma you may be in.

    Stop projecting whatever real world feelings you may have on something that never existed. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy teaches that people should unite to defy a common enemy. It drives me absolutely bonkers that people project some inane image of elves on to Tolkien Elves.

    If you ever happen to read a word of the books, they have been fighting evil for thousands of years. For every mistake an elf makes, so too does a dwarf, man or hobbit. This is the point. They have different values but put it aside to fight for each other.

    All in all, racial tension is SO not the point of this lore. Its about putting it aside. The End.
    [center]Dum spiro, spero - Cicero
    Alexandrov, R9
    Stanimir, R7
    Kollontai, noob
    [/center]

  16. #16

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    If it's about fighting a common enemy, why are the elves bravely running away? They leave it up to man and hobbits. And the dwarves have to deal with the ancient evil down in Khazad Dum and the goblins.

    The elves are doing what exactly? Other than running away?

    The last time the elves kicked butt was in the Last Alliance. Since then they've turned into crying babies.

    And what mistake did hobbits make? The three final ring bearers were hobbits. Only one went nuts. It was a hobbit that carried the ring from the Shire to Mount Doom. Not an elf. Not a man. Not a dwarf. It was men who stood against Sauron, fought and died. Not elves. Not dwarves. It's dwarves who have to deal with the goblins and other evil underground. Not elves.

    So what are elves doing except running away, singing and being utterly useless?

    They even had the ring in their hands after Sauron was taken out. Elrond could have ended it all at the cost of the life of a human king who was doomed anyone once he kept the ring.

    But Elrond walked away. He did nothing. The ring got lost and Elrond did nothing. The ring returned, was brought to Rivendell and Elrond did... nothing. The elves did nothing. They were too busy running away.

    So they've been around for a while, they're old and wise and graceful, we get all that. But ultimately... given how powerful and wise and whatever else they are... they're amazingly useless.
    [CENTER]“A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition”

    [/CENTER]

  17. #17
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stanimir View Post
    All I have to say is if all you got out of The Lord of the Rings is that elves and dwarves are supposed to dislike each other, you seriously need to be hit in the head with a large rock to snap you out of whatever coma you may be in.

    Stop projecting whatever real world feelings you may have on something that never existed. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy teaches that people should unite to defy a common enemy. It drives me absolutely bonkers that people project some inane image of elves on to Tolkien Elves.

    If you ever happen to read a word of the books, they have been fighting evil for thousands of years. For every mistake an elf makes, so too does a dwarf, man or hobbit. This is the point. They have different values but put it aside to fight for each other.

    All in all, racial tension is SO not the point of this lore. Its about putting it aside. The End.
    Look at this thread.

    Look at your post.

    Look at this thread again.

    Are we IC?

    No.

    We're complaining about elves, and things we dislike about them. We're not talking about the role of racial tension in the books.

    Magma pits are that way. -->

    (oh, and if you think putting aside racial tension is a major part of the lore, or any part at all... the orcs would like to have a word with you)
    Last edited by Tekkud; Apr 18 2011 at 09:04 AM.

  18. #18
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tekkud View Post
    Look at this thread.
    (oh, and if you think putting aside racial tension is a major part of the lore, or any part at all... the orcs would like to have a word with you)
    You win a cookie for this. I totally agree with your statement, but that's a discussion for a whole different thread.
    [color=grey]Burglars: What's in [i]your[/i] wallet?[/color]

    [charsig=http://lotrosigs.level3.turbine.com/0520a00000023d8db/01000/signature.png]undefined[/charsig]

  19. #19

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stanimir View Post
    It drives me absolutely bonkers that people project some inane image of elves on to Tolkien Elves.
    Quote Originally Posted by Stanimir View Post
    If you ever happen to read a word of the books
    I just need to address these two things in a dead serious tone.

    Um... modern elves, and how people view them, are based on LotR elves. The tree loving, star watching, arrogant, fleeing from danger, and being generally weaker then everyone else... is based on THESE elves. Hell, the god of the elves was so worried about their frail egos he had to order the dwarves be put to sleep so the elves could be "first".. which brings us to the second point:

    Noone has mentioned the movies, so where did you get the idea no-one but you here have read the books? You want to bring up the movies, we can go for hours about the stupidity of Lego-las and her amazing SHIELD SURFING down stone steps skill....

    (Note: Yes, yes, we know he was a guy, calm down.)

  20. #20

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Time to get this thread focused back on its true purpose:

    I'll tell you why I don't like Elves. I go and find the casually discarded robes of the Black Rider in the Trollshaws, report back to El-Runaway's useless boy wonder in Thorenhad who tells me to check in with some elf dude named Glorfindel in Rivendell. So I ride all the way there only to have Glory-boy tell me to go raise an elf-stone (why they're not using a good Dwarf carved stone is beyond me) at the Ford of Bruinen. Are you fricking kidding me?!? Couldn't he have just mailed it to me in Thorenhad with a note?!? I have to ride back and forth all over the Trollshaws because this noob who has been around for thousands upon thousands of years doesn't know how to send mail???

    What they're really wanting is for you to pay silver for the rides back and forth. They want you to pay, so they can use the silver to pay for passage west to the Undying Lands. So not only are they running away, they want us to pay for the trip!

    That's why they are useless.
    Last edited by Feraxks; Apr 18 2011 at 02:49 PM.
    I like ice cream.

  21. #21

    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Feraxks View Post
    Time to get this thread focused back on its true purpose:

    I'll tell you why I don't like Elves. I go and find the casually discarded robes of the Black Rider in the Trollshaws, report back to El-Runaway's useless boy wonder in Thorenhad who tells me to check in with some elf dude named Glorfindel in Rivendell. So I ride all the way there only to have Glory-boy tell me to go raise an elf-stone (why they're not using a good Dwarf carved stone is beyond me) at the Ford of Bruinen. Are you fricking kidding me?!? Couldn't he have just mailed it to me in Thorenhad with a note?!? I have to ride back and forth all over the Trollshaws because this noob who has been around for thousands upon thousands of years doesn't know how to send mail???

    What they're really wanting is for you to pay silver for the rides back and forth. They want you to pay, so they can use the silver to pay for passage west to the Undying Lands. So not only are they running away, they want us to pay for the trip!

    That's why they are useless.
    So this is how the elves, having no real crafting skills or useful products fund everything. Holy smokes! Hey, maybe if we tell them the Magma pits are in fact pits of Happy Happy Tree hugging Flower Smelling fun Times, they will go gladly?

  22. #22
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    I have not much to say about the elves Ive met but if they spent more time drinking and feasting they wouldnt be moping about all the time with their "oh woe is me" sad refrain. Besides Ive never seen a keg that couldnt remove the dread of darkness.
    Bah, Ive no time for any bunch of elves or men or hobbits that would rather sit and commiserate about what they might do rather than grab an axe and get to the dirty business of slaying.
    [I][SIZE=1]
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  23. #23
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Bumping this thread. With an entire mountain.

    Oh yeah. Why elves suck? No mountains. Just nasty, boggy forests. Only thing they're good for is the huge amount of lumber, and subsequent charcoal for the forges and building material for the scaffoldings for the 30-story statue of Durin.

    What's that? The elves don't make 30-foot statues for their heroic ancestors who reincarnate every few hundred years? Pansies.

  24. #24
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    As a dwarf I actually love trees ...







    Especially when I chop them down, use the lumber for the forge in order to smelt some more barrow-iron
    Ah ... The smell of success.

  25. #25
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    Re: Why elves suck and we rock.

    Here ya go: At least we can tell our women from our men.
    [charsig=http://lotrosigs.level3.turbine.com/132130000001229d7/01008/signature.png]undefined[/charsig]
    Thillian, Hunter, Level 63, Elf, Kindred Souls, Riddermark

 

 
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