Right. You asked for critique, and I'll assume you meant it, so... here we go.
Before I begin, posting something online and being *open* to critique can be rather challenging in itself. Many people do not take critique well. I commend you for that. Do not be discouraged by it, either; it is meant to be helpful, not downputting. Every writer has a beginning.
Despite this being an online venue that has no impact on anything in your RL (likely), you should take pride in your writing and do your best to polish what you write before posting on a venue such as a blog. Not being good with spelling is no excuse; there are multiple online tools to help you, not to mention Microsoft's products that come on most computers. This is no guarantee of perfection, but it will certainly help. You should always, always reread it as well, aloud if you can, even if you use this tool.
The four most glaring issues in the biography entry, after a quick skim, are:
-Lack of capitalization on 'I'. 'I' is always capitalized. Period. You can get away with not capitalizing it once you have English grammar rules down and want to go against the grain, a la E.E. Cummings.
-Run on sentences. English does not usually like run on sentences, especially without proper punctuation. If it is a new 'thought', start a new sentence. Once you have that concept down, you can play with the semi-colon ( ; ) to connect sentences together.
-Use of apostrophe. Apostrophes are not used in the plural of a word, unless that plural is possessing something (ie. all of the books' spines). So your cook's in one of your paragraphs should be cooks because there is no possession.
-Lack of consistency in point of view. In your character's biography you go from third person (Lusiel is a woman...) to first person (I am a woman...) without warning, change back, then go back to first person throughout the rest. Avoid this. For a biography, it is usually standard to keep it to third person only. If you would like a biographical event in your character's point of view, start a whole new entry or put some sort of dividing line as well as a new paragraph to indicate that it is separate, and meant to be separate.
I also think it would be better if you wrote out 'and' instead of using &, but that is my personal preference. I know a couple others who use &, though in more formal writing it is usually expected that 'and' be written out.
If you would like to see another example of a biography, I have biographies for my characters Laerlin and Aethelind linked in my signature. Feel free to take a look for ideas. My way of doing it is just one way; others have different ways.
Best of luck in your endeavours.
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Landroval[/B]: [SIZE=1]LAERLIN ([URL="http://tinyurl.com/laerlin"]Bio + Drawings[/URL]) • LAERWEN • OLORIEL • AETHELIND ([URL="http://tinyurl.com/aethelind"]Bio + Drawing[/URL]) • NETHAEL[/SIZE][/CENTER]
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