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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Traveling
    Posts
    2

    Red face Character Backstory Help

    I am looking for people to give a critique of my characters back story to see if there any mistakes i made lorewise/spellingwise anything really a few things you may notice if your kind enough to read it is that while i have checked for spelling mistakes there might be a few by a few i mean a lot.

    I am not much of a writer this will be the first i have ever posted online my grammar can be pretty bad so if there are any major grammatical (is that the right word ) errors that make it harder to read i would love to be pointed out.

    While this may be my first critique ever don't be soft on me i can handle brutal honesty...most of the time

    Story Location: http://lusielamell.blogspot.co.uk/ to large to put on the forum

    I also have a few questions which i goggled but couldn't find a real answer

    1st Rohan to Bree how long does this journey take i am thinking along time just looking at the map but maps are evil things that have a habit of deceiving me

    2nd i want my character to be involved in the epic storyline in game but i am having trouble on how i would start it i know in game you start by being captured by the blackwolds and go from there but i am coming from rohan to bree it seems odd to travel all that way after everything just to get caught by bandits and go from there.
    Last edited by Lusiel; Mar 02 2013 at 03:03 PM. Reason: updated my story removed a question

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Eastern Europe
    Posts
    33
    I was writing a huge reply the other day, and the browser closed on me, I was pissed Well, here goes a short summarizing:

    1 - Rohan is biiiig, so let's assume from Edoras (its capital) to Bree. I would say one month on horseback, on a standard pace, without extraordinary perils on the road, like those faced by the fellowship. That is, taking into account that the distance would be around 1000km, through the Greenway. I might be wrong about that.

    2 - The biggest Roleplay problem in LOTRO is the "mary-sue" issue. Maaany characters (specially on Landroval) have background stories such as close interaction with canon characters, fighting once against Sauron, having a major importance in the recent events of Middle Earth, etc... Now imagine that there should be hundreds of active roleplayers in the server, imagine if all of them personally received a "mission" from Gandalf or Strider, for example? Gods, then these guys should hire secretaries, to handle such amount of acquaintances and "secret" agents. Tying your own story to the quest storyline is a very nice idea, but try to steer away from personal interaction with canon characters or any role in the main happenings of Middle Earth, is my advice

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Sunny SoCal, USA
    Posts
    6,266
    Right. You asked for critique, and I'll assume you meant it, so... here we go.

    Before I begin, posting something online and being *open* to critique can be rather challenging in itself. Many people do not take critique well. I commend you for that. Do not be discouraged by it, either; it is meant to be helpful, not downputting. Every writer has a beginning.


    Despite this being an online venue that has no impact on anything in your RL (likely), you should take pride in your writing and do your best to polish what you write before posting on a venue such as a blog. Not being good with spelling is no excuse; there are multiple online tools to help you, not to mention Microsoft's products that come on most computers. This is no guarantee of perfection, but it will certainly help. You should always, always reread it as well, aloud if you can, even if you use this tool.

    The four most glaring issues in the biography entry, after a quick skim, are:
    -Lack of capitalization on 'I'. 'I' is always capitalized. Period. You can get away with not capitalizing it once you have English grammar rules down and want to go against the grain, a la E.E. Cummings.
    -Run on sentences. English does not usually like run on sentences, especially without proper punctuation. If it is a new 'thought', start a new sentence. Once you have that concept down, you can play with the semi-colon ( ; ) to connect sentences together.
    -Use of apostrophe. Apostrophes are not used in the plural of a word, unless that plural is possessing something (ie. all of the books' spines). So your cook's in one of your paragraphs should be cooks because there is no possession.
    -Lack of consistency in point of view. In your character's biography you go from third person (Lusiel is a woman...) to first person (I am a woman...) without warning, change back, then go back to first person throughout the rest. Avoid this. For a biography, it is usually standard to keep it to third person only. If you would like a biographical event in your character's point of view, start a whole new entry or put some sort of dividing line as well as a new paragraph to indicate that it is separate, and meant to be separate.

    I also think it would be better if you wrote out 'and' instead of using &, but that is my personal preference. I know a couple others who use &, though in more formal writing it is usually expected that 'and' be written out.

    If you would like to see another example of a biography, I have biographies for my characters Laerlin and Aethelind linked in my signature. Feel free to take a look for ideas. My way of doing it is just one way; others have different ways.

    Best of luck in your endeavours.
    [CENTER][IMG]http://i40.tinypic.com/dgoqrr.jpg[/IMG]
    RIP ELENDILMIR • Jingle Jangle[B]
    Landroval[/B]: [SIZE=1]LAERLIN ([URL="http://tinyurl.com/laerlin"]Bio + Drawings[/URL]) • LAERWEN • OLORIEL • AETHELIND ([URL="http://tinyurl.com/aethelind"]Bio + Drawing[/URL]) • NETHAEL[/SIZE][/CENTER]
    [CENTER][URL="http://tinyurl.com/mnwbbbq"]Make LOTRO Housing Fun & Profitable![/URL] • [URL="http://tinyurl.com/m33b8be"]New Dye Color Suggestions![/URL][/CENTER]

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Traveling
    Posts
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by HaleyStarshine View Post
    2 - The biggest Roleplay problem in LOTRO is the "mary-sue" issue. Maaany characters (specially on Landroval) have background stories such as close interaction with canon characters, fighting once against Sauron, having a major importance in the recent events of Middle Earth, etc... Now imagine that there should be hundreds of active roleplayers in the server, imagine if all of them personally received a "mission" from Gandalf or Strider, for example? Gods, then these guys should hire secretaries, to handle such amount of acquaintances and "secret" agents. Tying your own story to the quest storyline is a very nice idea, but try to steer away from personal interaction with canon characters or any role in the main happenings of Middle Earth, is my advice
    I am going to avoid to many metions of the main characters I imagine it will be easy to avoid after book one as atm it seems to have me running back to strider every few quests.


    Quote Originally Posted by Laire View Post
    Right. You asked for critique, and I'll assume you meant it, so... here we go.

    Before I begin, posting something online and being *open* to critique can be rather challenging in itself. Many people do not take critique well. I commend you for that. Do not be discouraged by it, either; it is meant to be helpful, not downputting. Every writer has a beginning.


    Despite this being an online venue that has no impact on anything in your RL (likely), you should take pride in your writing and do your best to polish what you write before posting on a venue such as a blog. Not being good with spelling is no excuse; there are multiple online tools to help you, not to mention Microsoft's products that come on most computers. This is no guarantee of perfection, but it will certainly help. You should always, always reread it as well, aloud if you can, even if you use this tool.

    The four most glaring issues in the biography entry, after a quick skim, are:
    -Lack of capitalization on 'I'. 'I' is always capitalized. Period. You can get away with not capitalizing it once you have English grammar rules down and want to go against the grain, a la E.E. Cummings.

    Thank you for reminding me of this I almost always forget to capitalize I it is a bit of a bad habit.


    -Run on sentences. English does not usually like run on sentences, especially without proper punctuation. If it is a new 'thought', start a new sentence. Once you have that concept down, you can play with the semi-colon ( ; ) to connect sentences together.
    I am going through what I have already written and editing it making new thoughts a new sentence.


    -Use of apostrophe. Apostrophes are not used in the plural of a word, unless that plural is possessing something (ie. all of the books' spines). So your cook's in one of your paragraphs should be cooks because there is no possession.

    I am going through fixing where i did that while doing the above thank you for pointing it out.


    -Lack of consistency in point of view. In your character's biography you go from third person (Lusiel is a woman...) to first person (I am a woman...) without warning, change back, then go back to first person throughout the rest. Avoid this. For a biography, it is usually standard to keep it to third person only. If you would like a biographical event in your character's point of view, start a whole new entry or put some sort of dividing line as well as a new paragraph to indicate that it is separate, and meant to be separate.

    I have marked where it changes to first person like you suggested as it is Lusiel's journal everything from the marked point will be in first person.


    I also think it would be better if you wrote out 'and' instead of using &, but that is my personal preference. I know a couple others who use &, though in more formal writing it is usually expected that 'and' be written out.

    I have changed the & into and and I agree it is better it just seems to look better for some reason.



    If you would like to see another example of a biography, I have biographies for my characters Laerlin and Aethelind linked in my signature. Feel free to take a look for ideas. My way of doing it is just one way; others have different ways.

    Best of luck in your endeavours.
    Thank you both for the replies they were very helpful

 

 

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