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  1. #1

    Jenna: Part one.

    May 13 2003


    Jenna wanted to throw the papers back at Jake. Throw them back and yell at him; then kiss him. And then she would stomp out of the room and continue on her work. But, no; she didn't have the energy; even though it would definitely satisfy everything she wanted to do before she forgot about it. Jake had come that morning with a new tag on his shirt, signifying a recent promotion. Then, when she thought about it later, he had been smiling. More of a half smile, really, but a definite smile. And she had been promoted, too. Jenna was a 30-year-old woman living in a ratty-old classical New York apartment, with brown hair and a talent for being so healthy but still smoking whenever you saw her. Just to let you know, Jenna smiled the same amount as anyone. She was also tall, and good-looking. She looked like a classical New York girl in her desk on the Corporal management building for post-stamps. Which, was exactly the building she worked in.
    Jake wasn't like her; the two had never really clicked. As in, they barely ever exchanged glances. He was more of a next-door neighbor that you never really got to know, but he was always there. And it was just the same for Jake to Jenna. But, like I just said, she had wanted to kiss him at one point; and yell at him, but still kiss him. And this is exactly how two people had fallen in love one day, and had such a remarkable, and un-normal relationship which makes the story all the more interesting.

    December 23 2002

    Jenna looked around the apartment. all of the Christmas decorations had been made: the Christmas Tree, the Christmas Lights, the festive pillows, and a hot cup of coffee on the counter, ready to be drunk. She popped a quick smoke in her mouth, nothing surprising; she'd had the habit since July! If only old Bobby hadn't shown her what it tasted like... Everything had been prepared for Christmas, but one oddiment was still in the back of her mind, and it hadn't moved from there for a month now. It wasn't too surprising to be scared of the upcoming party, odds are, with their big company and all, someone is bound to get fired, because in her town, hard workers were scarce. Half of the population believed they should get paid for doing nothing, and half of them thought they should move out of that town.
    No; it wasn't a town of hard workers; but the thought of being fired wasn't the thought nagging her in the back of her head... it was as if something was at the party... and it would change her.... Scared of the thought of her life changing, Jenna dressed in her coat, took her wallet out, and left the building in a hurry to work. She had been so pre-occupied by her thoughts, that she left the pack of smokes on the table.


    Jenna had good luck. And she never minded rain; so she had seemed almost relieved when the storm-clouds gathered in the sky, and 5-minutes later it started to rain. She hailed a taxi with the money she brought, and got a good drenching before she got lucky enough to find a lift.
    Staring out of the window, she listened to the small pitter-patter of the raindrops. It was very peaceful. It helped her clear out her thoughts. The thing that was nagging at the back of her brain was now gently tugging at it, and she put it away for now. Another 5-minutes later she arrived the destination she wants to go to. At work, they called it the Lobby, right when you entered The party was right there. She tipped the taxi-driver thankfully, held her skirt up so she wouldn't step on it, and hurried inside.


    When she stepped inside, she immediately regretted it. First off, she was soaking wet from a few minute's soak in the rain. Second, she was holding her skirt up. And third, she was standing in front of an audience of almost fifty people. After a few moments of awkward silence, someone in the audience said," oh my God. Is that Jenna?" Then everyone applauded in laughter as she walked inside with a red face and nothing to say but an evil stare to the guy who shouted to her which spoke for herself: Would you shut up, already! Everyone applauded for another 30-seconds before taking one last look at her face and returning to their normal conversations. Her boss, Bobby breakers, was walking towards her. "Jenna. You're... full of surprises," he said to her with a friendly smile.

    She managed to be a part of the chatter there, but she never forgot the day she walked into a building full of people being soaking wet and her dress up. She and Bobby had caught wind of a blowing conversation that dissipated fast but turned into another topic, which also changed into something else. But hey, that's how conversations go. Bobby had excused himself and asked her to go on and enjoy the party. She saw Jake with his friend, Roy; but there was no romance in her glance. Jake didn't seem to pay attention to her.
    It was dull, and she was caught up in a big mass of dull talk, with dull conversations, and dull laughs. Everyone was happy that day. But she wasn't, and the only reason why was because she was suppose to get something out of this, and she didn't.
    It went on that way, just talk. She acted normal, laughed with everyone, had wine with everyone, and applauded on the end when Bobby had promoted a man to General Assistant Manager with a name that sounded like Balonie.
    There was one thing that had made the party interesting to her. And it was just to her, just for her, and she was probably the only one who felt it. A man came to the party, no one paid attention to him except a few 'hello's'. Thus, it completely surprised Jenna when he walked right up to her."Are you Jenna?" said the man. "Yes," she replied. the man gave a deep, mournful look of sympathy at Jenna. He said, "I am very sorry for your loss, Jenna. I don't know you, but he did." The man left in another direction before she could call out what he was talking about.


    The party ended an hour after the man had come. Even though she looked hard, she couldn't find him. She shouted for another taxi, which came almost instantly, drove home without a word other than the name of the hotel, walked out of the car and into the rain, into the apartment, up the elevator and around the corridor, opened the door, and closed it, fell asleep on the bed without her average question such as: Why on earth was the party so late in the year. Before her eyelids closed, she looked over to the door and saw a letter on the floor.


    To be Continued
    Last edited by RocketBoy; Feb 16 2013 at 01:43 AM.

  2. #2

    Cool

    If there are any bad parts in the story-small or big-tell me about them and I will do my best to make this one and the other ones I make better. Also, this story is entirely me, so blame me or say I am good, this story was mine.

  3. #3
    Normally I wouldn't say this, but... can someone please yell at me and say what's wrong with the story? At least a hundred people have read it and put no replies, no add rep, or even no take away rep. How am I suppose to improve without an audience? Just one thing that bothers you with it, something... there is always something....

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    142
    Quote Originally Posted by RocketBoy View Post
    Normally I wouldn't say this, but... can someone please yell at me and say what's wrong with the story?
    I'm not going to yell, and I'm just taking a wild guess, but um... did you mistakenly post your story here? Because this forum is about roleplaying, and specifically about roleplaying in LotRO. Your story appears to have nothing to do with either of those. Not to worry, though. There are lots of other forums online to post stories of all sorts, including those that are intended in particular for others to critique your work. Google or another search engine should help you find some. Good luck!
    [url=http://woodsongs.wordpress.com/][COLOR="Red"]Woodsong's Circle[/COLOR][/url]

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Woodsong View Post
    I'm not going to yell, and I'm just taking a wild guess, but um... did you mistakenly post your story here? Because this forum is about roleplaying, and specifically about roleplaying in LotRO. Your story appears to have nothing to do with either of those. Not to worry, though. There are lots of other forums online to post stories of all sorts, including those that are intended in particular for others to critique your work. Google or another search engine should help you find some. Good luck!
    Sorry if that bugs you, Many people have been telling me to post in Roleplaying, and I have no idea where to write! I don't know how to move it, so don't ask for this one. By the way, how IS the story? I need some opinions.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Cookie Land
    Posts
    1,617
    So this is where you have migrated to with your stories. Your writing is getting better all the time. Don’t ask me for suggestions or advice; as you know I am not a good writer. However, I can say that your stories are getting more interesting to me with each attempt. Keep it up.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by RKL View Post
    So this is where you have migrated to with your stories. Your writing is getting better all the time. Don’t ask me for suggestions or advice; as you know I am not a good writer. However, I can say that your stories are getting more interesting to me with each attempt. Keep it up.
    That part I understand, but what I meant was an audience helping me see what was bad about it, like the flaws. Did you see anything that I can learn to change? And yes, I think Roleplaying is alright, just don't ask me to make a blog!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Cookie Land
    Posts
    1,617
    Quote Originally Posted by RocketBoy View Post
    That part I understand, but what I meant was an audience helping me see what was bad about it, like the flaws. Did you see anything that I can learn to change? And yes, I think Roleplaying is alright, just don't ask me to make a blog!
    Flaws and the like are something that you will naturally evolve out of in time. They are a personal thing and only you yourself need be concerned with them. That is to say: Everyone will have a different opinion on what are flaws.

    I am of the opinion that you should be true to yourself and find your own niche in the writing world. Your own style, as it were. Some will like your style and some will not. Don’t try to adapt to the audience unless you are only interested in making money. If you do, then writing might become a forced job instead of a pleasure.

    The only thing I wanted to know more of in your story was whether Jenna was wearing panties or not.

 

 

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