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  1. #1

    A story Of a Young Man and his Journey's as a Lore Master part 7: Archet under siege1

    Jamison saw him. The dead man had already faded away, and his spirit seeped out of his body almost seeable along with the knife in his heart and the blood rushing out of him into the rain water that had splashed onto the floor.
    It was the healer who had his final regrets that he had seen the Blackwold's treachery and he might of been spared.
    It was his fate. Yet, Jamison felt sorry for the now useless body lying on the floor in the rain.
    The Brigand standing near him, who had stabbed the poor healer in the heart, looked up at Jamison and Strider in fear realizing he had seen him. The man was already running away, but Strider's arrows were too fast and it pierced him in the ear. As they both watched him scream, fall on his hands and knees; and die.

    'I wonder, young Jamison, if you had ever had pity for the enemy?' asked Strider thoughtfully.
    Jamison was thinking. Had he? Does even Strider have pity for the enemy?
    But even if so, what does pity have anything to do with battle? But it did, Jamison realized to himself.
    Not all creatures of Middle Earth are completely Evil inside: there were the few who had once been kind and gentle folk, such as Hobbits. Perhaps there was a reason to pity them. But he never wanted that day to come.
    But it wasn't today, fortunately to Jamison, that he found pity in the enemy. The Blackwold's were evil folk. They had chosen their path too intentionally and the darkness had already binded their will.

    The first light that Jamison saw had quickly gone out without much damage on a nearby house.
    The second light that Jamison saw was slightly bigger, but, it had to, burned out on the same house.
    The third torch was the size of a normal kitchen vase, and as the fire spread, it also quickly burned out.
    obviously frustrated, The Blackwolds set a huge nearby log on fire, punched a hole in the window of one of the civilian's homes, and threw the log inside.
    After a little bit of waiting, the fire had spread all over the outside of the house and the inside. The Civilian's inside it were dead.
    There was nothing they could do. They were all asleep

    Another log and another house was set on fire and the Brigands kept going through the process before every house and building in Archet was destroyed.'Jamison,' said Strider to him. 'I never thought the Blackwolds were capable of doing such evil!'
    But the Blackwolds were capable of such evil. They attacked the villagers who were still awake at this fateful hour of midnight and they went inside the houses and killed the few who remained alive and helpless in their burning huts.
    The gate was open and the Blackwold-Brigands kept on pouring into Archet with no mercy or pity for any living creature today.

    Alas, they came in with great numbers. The Blackwolds were ruthless and Strider and Jamison were continuously ambushed by groups of them coming in from all directions.
    Jamison looked over to the east wall from where he stood. He saw the gate burst open, and the Hunter's of Archet coming in with few of their greatest soldiers.
    So it had been true, they had come.
    Jamison spotted Jon Brackenbrook amongst them, fighting his way into the Blackwold army, being as brave as he could be.
    Last edited by RocketBoy; Jan 06 2013 at 09:03 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    912
    Very much improved on all accounts - I got lost a little during the "pity for the enemy" part and perhaps thought it thinly veiled to resemble the whole "Frodo/Bilbo pity for Gollum" and the "Gollum was once like a Hobbit" thing... But hey!! This is Lord of the Rings inspired fanfiction - right?

    The rest of the story had me in the moment...

    Shot in the ear was an odd choice I thought - with no follow up to the choice. I expected a reason for being shot in the ear - instead of just the body or heart.
    And describing a torch as the same size as a normal vase didn't do anything for me...

    I can tell that you gave a lot of thought to previous suggestions and I think it's great that you remain undaunted.

    Oh and why didn't the civilians wake up when the bandits punched a hole in their window with a log? Surely that made a lot of noise?
    Last edited by Dwarendele; Jan 05 2013 at 02:43 AM.

  3. #3
    Yeah....
    The people in the houses might of woken up.
    But there was nothing they could do and the fire was still to strong to get rid of it.
    I liked my idea of setting a log on fire in my story.

    Also, the pity for the enemy part was inspired from Gandalf and Frodo's talk in the Mines of Moria; but I decided to put something a little but different and see how he one day feels.
    Later on that could be a very interesting addition to the story if you know what I mean.
    That part was interesting to me in the Mines of Moria, but, It wasn't today that Jamison saw a completely non evil enemy.

    As for the shot the Brigand in the ear part, well, Strider hit him there on purpose so he could go back to the Blackwold army outside the gate and show them what happened inside(the Blackwold was a burglar trying to ransack the village before the actual onslaught began, if you hadn't guessed it his plan had failed in both ways, but not mine).

    Also, thanks for such a positive comment, I... didn't really expect that, even with I am not sure's.



    Ps: I didn't get it from Bilbo, Frodo, and Gollum, I got it from Gandalf and Frodo. That seen wouldn't fit in my story.
    Last edited by RocketBoy; Jan 05 2013 at 02:22 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    182
    Can't wait for you to post more of your writings. They nicely mirror the happenings in game and how a character of not-so-heroic origin could view them.

    Keep up the good work!
    "'Nonetheless they will have need of wood', said Aulë and he went on with his smith-work."

  5. #5

    Arrow Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dweorg View Post
    Can't wait for you to post more of your writings. They nicely mirror the happenings in game and how a character of not-so-heroic origin could view them.

    Keep up the good work!
    Really?

    I didn't think the story was very good....
    then again, I was just mimicking my earlier parts.
    Thanks for the helpful review, that really made my day!

    I don't think this is that good though, not because of previous replies or anything.
    But, I do think it is readable and definitely not bad.[url]
    Last edited by RocketBoy; Jan 06 2013 at 10:06 PM.

 

 

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