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  1. #51
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    Ered Luin
    Posts
    686
    Elrond: I have given this alot of thought, and decided the ring-bearer should be this here adventurous Elf! He has fought evil from Ered Luin to our very own city of Rivendell. He has defeated the great Gaunt Lords of the Barrow Downs, fought through the foul pools of Garth Agarwen, braved the northern icy wastes of Forochel, slain great dragons in the fortress of Helegrod, defeated Amarthiel in Eregion, and has farmed the Library and School of Eregion more times than he cares to recount! He will be perfect for the job.

    ....

    What? He's busy with previous arrangements with his kinship in Annuminas? Well then, any other volunteers?

    Frodo: Well, I guess I'll... *Boromir interrupts*
    Boromir: Oh, oh, oh, I'll volunteer! The strength of the men of Gondor will prevail!
    Elrond: I got a bad feeling about this...but Boromir, I will give you the responsibility of bearing the Ring.
    Aragorn: ....
    Igluk ~ Warg
    Nadhuil ~ 85 Hunter
    Dollas ~ 85 Rune-Keeper

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    521
    "You SHALL pass!"

  3. #53
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Swindon, UK
    Posts
    258
    Aragorn: "Get 'em off Eowyn!"
    [charsig=http://lotrosigs.level3.turbine.com/04208000000055a16/01005/signature.png]Deabras[/charsig]

  4. #54
    Saruman: "...So Gandalf, will you not come up?"
    Gandalf: "Yeah OK".

  5. #55
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    310
    Thingol: Stalking my daughter are you?! Off with his head!

    With a suddenness that startled them all the wizard sprang to his feet. He was laughing! "I have it!" he cried. "Of course, of course! Absurdly simple, like most riddles when you see the answer."
    Picking up his staff he stood before the rock and said in a clear voice: Friend!
    Nothing happened.

    As they sat down at Beorn's table, Bombour leaned over to whisper in Dori's ear, "A nice steak sounds pretty good about now, don't you think?"
    [charsig=http://lotrosigs.level3.turbine.com/0e215000000094dc4/01007/signature.png]undefined[/charsig]

  6. #56
    After eating Sam sat looking Frodo thoughtfully:
    "Mister Frodo, I have been thinking.."
    "What is it, Sam?"
    "Well, have you noticed we have only heard one side of the story? I mean, wouldn't it be fair to let Sauron tell us his side of the things too?"
    "How did I never think about that?! You are absolutely right of course. We need to go talk to Sauron right away!"
    So the hobbits marched to the black tower where Sauron received them immediately. He appeared suprised by the request the hobbits made but graciously told them the whole story about the terrible conspiracy, which started when the world was created, and how the good hearted maia Melkor had tried to stop it. He continued how they had fought together countless years, and later Sauron alone, to protect the world. Eventually the hobbits were moved to tears by the tragic tale and the gladly offered Sauron the ring. As a reward Sauron forged the two hobbit rings which he gave to Frodo and Sam.

    Everyone lived happily ever after (excluding the elves, men of Gondor, dunedain, rohirrim and difficult wizards who died horribly).

    THE END

    (Btw, these are wonderful, I love you all for making me laugh )
    Last edited by Halla; Jan 24 2013 at 03:23 AM. Reason: typos...
    [center][charsig=http://lotrosigs.level3.turbine.com/06205000000182efb/01008/signature.png]undefined[/charsig]

    [i]"For even the very wise cannot see all ends."[/i][/center]

  7. #57
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    521
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla View Post
    After eating Sam sat looking Frodo thoughtfully:
    "Mister Frodo, I have been thinking.."
    "What is it, Sam?"
    "Well, have you noticed we have only heard one side of the story? I mean, wouldn't it be fair to let Sauron tell us his side of the things too?"
    I have always wanted to hear the tale of LoTR from the enemy's perspective. One writer, Kirill Yeksov a Russian geologist (I think) wrote a highly unauthorized alternative story of LoTR called "The Last Ringbearer" which adopts the perspective of Mordor. It is very inventive especially for how he presents Middle Earth's geopolitics and Mordor's socio-economic basis though the story ends up turning into a John le Carre novel after about 50 pages. But the first 50 pages are well worth reading (as is Yeksov's intro) in my opinion.

  8. #58
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    182
    Three Rings taken by the Elven-kings under the sky. Seven for the Dwarf-Lords, to their halls they stole. Nine for Mortal Men eager to lie... And Sauron lost his last ring too. After a moment of grief he lit the fires again and forged a new set of rings but this time he didn't show them to others.
    "'Nonetheless they will have need of wood', said Aulë and he went on with his smith-work."

  9. #59
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Gallifrey. I need a Jelly Baby.
    Posts
    18,190
    Quote Originally Posted by Lynore View Post
    In Moria...

    Pippin felt curiously attracted to the well...he crept to the edge and peered over...Moved by a sudden impulse he groped for a loose stone. Unfortunately, he didn't find one. Patting around further his hand closed over a small metal object on a long chain near where Frodo was sleeping. "This will do!" He thought as he dropped it into the endless chasm below.

    Oh, Gandalf would have done all sorts of horrible things to that Hobbit, he would be so mad.........
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out & proclaiming "WOW, what a ride!"
    Continuing the never ending battle to keep Lobelia Sackville-Baggins in check

  10. #60
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,242
    Quote Originally Posted by LoyKashka View Post
    With a suddenness that startled them all the wizard sprang to his feet. He was laughing! "I have it!" he cried. "Of course, of course! Absurdly simple, like most riddles when you see the answer."
    Picking up his staff he stood before the rock and said in a clear voice: Friend!
    Nothing happened.
    The Halfling's Leaf had clearly slowed the mind of that conjurer of cheap tricks

  11. #61
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    156
    The orc archers are on the other side of the river. A lucky arrow catches Frodo in the face.

    Gandalf:Aragorn is our king, he may choose to take the Ring if he wants to and claim it for himself.
    Aragorn:Immortality and unimaginable powers, give me that!

  12. #62
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    4 Chalk Road, Nettlevale
    Posts
    1,557

    Thumbs up


    Quote Originally Posted by Haunt123 View Post
    Sam: "Mr. Frodo, wouldn't it be great if you included in your book that guy who cleaned up our tracks, saved Eriador from the Shadows of Angmar, became a hero of Moria, Rhovanion, Rohan, etc., without whom the Shire would have been destroyed?"

    Frodo: "Yes Sam, I almost forgot to give even a single mention of him!"
    Ingenious!
    Kibilturg; Watchers of Elendil (Landroval) & Tarciryan Knights (Crickhollow)
    RIP Imladris

  13. #63
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    4 Chalk Road, Nettlevale
    Posts
    1,557

    Cool


    "In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit. A Hobbit is an extinct kind of squirrel..."

    "Gandalf: You kept breaking my stuns!
    Gimli: You stole my aggro!
    Legolas: Sorry, auto-target
    Aragorn: How am I supposed to buff you without power?
    Boromir: Darn the Clobber cooldown!"
    ​​
    Last edited by Urwendil; Feb 08 2013 at 09:35 PM.
    Kibilturg; Watchers of Elendil (Landroval) & Tarciryan Knights (Crickhollow)
    RIP Imladris

  14. #64
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Mostly Middle Earth
    Posts
    718
    From another thread about a suggested "Scroll of Unbinding".

    Bilbo: "Here's a pretty thing my Lad; a Mithril Shirt, and my Sword Sting, but sorry you can't have them because they're bound to me!"


  15. #65
    Jamison looked up at Strider and laughed himself silly. "What is it?" said Strider. "Oh, it's nothing," said Jamison. Jamison patted Strider on the back and said, "it's just something Lily said, that's all." Later, Strider visited the Prancing Pony. He saw the Hobbits sneaking peaks at him and snickering. He turned around to see a big I AM AN IDIOT sign on his back.

    The Nazgul at the Prancing Pony

    Nazgul: "The hobbits are in here."

    Nazgul: "No, those are pillows, they're hiding in the room upstairs."

  16. #66
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    4 Chalk Road, Nettlevale
    Posts
    1,557

    Smile


    Quote Originally Posted by Evelwyn View Post
    Are you the one known as Strider?

    No, my name is Trotter.
    A Hobbit with wooden shoes
    Kibilturg; Watchers of Elendil (Landroval) & Tarciryan Knights (Crickhollow)
    RIP Imladris

  17. #67
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    156
    This one is from the movie.

    Gandalf:Look for my coming on the sixth day. At dawn look to the east.

    Upon Gandalfs arrival...
    Eomer:Gandalf, Helms Deep is burning, they are all dead.
    Gandalf:Yeah, maybe I should have made that 5 days.

  18. #68
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Gallifrey. I need a Jelly Baby.
    Posts
    18,190
    Sam as he checks his equipment in Lothlorien: "You know what? Keep the rope".
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out & proclaiming "WOW, what a ride!"
    Continuing the never ending battle to keep Lobelia Sackville-Baggins in check

  19. #69
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Gallifrey. I need a Jelly Baby.
    Posts
    18,190
    Quote Originally Posted by TopGearSH View Post

    Gandalf - "Is it secret? Is it safe?!"
    Frodo - "Ah, about that. We had a clearout and, well..."
    I can't believe I missed this one. ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out & proclaiming "WOW, what a ride!"
    Continuing the never ending battle to keep Lobelia Sackville-Baggins in check

  20. #70
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    2,449
    Gandalf: I cannot let you take The Ring to Mordor, Frodo.

    Frodo: Why not, Gandalf?

    Gandalf: I am your father!
    Mandelbaum, 105 Champ; PeabodySherman, 100 LM, House of Mooters, Landroval
    Rembandor, 85 Champ, Penquanta Periannath, Laurelin

  21. #71
    Aragorn: For Frodo

    Men of Gondor: who's Frodo?

  22. #72
    Elf from Boat: Here, take this manual.

    Sam: Thanks! For a second there, I thought I would have to wait and come ALLLL the way back to Lothlorien from Mordor to learn the arts of Rope-Making. Whew!

    Witch King: Hinder me? Thou fool. No loving man may hinder me!

    Eowyn: I am no man! And what do you mean 'loving'?


    Mouth of Sauron: Frodo!

    Pippin: Silence!

    Aragorn: The Halfling was so brave.

    The Mouth of Sauron trods on his horse over to Aragorn and cuts his head off.

    Pippin: You sicken me, Aragorn. May Sauron's armies Deafeat the men of Gondor!

    Frodo throws the ring in Mount Doom

    Pippin: Awww.

    Mouth of Sauron: Darn it!
    Last edited by RocketBoy; Feb 14 2013 at 11:37 PM.

  23. #73
    And so Melkor and Ungoliant did destroy the Two Trees of Valinor. The Valar met and decided their combined efforts could restore the Trees could they but unlock the light of the Simarils so Aule did beseech Feanor to yield the jewels.

    Feanor wept as he contemplated the loss of his heart's work.

    "I know the pain of the Maker when his creation is destroyed," responded Aule, "but know as your heart breaks that the Light will fill the hearts of all in Valinor and forever pain Melkor and Ungoliant."

    "Your Silmarils will ever be the leading Stars of the world through the rebirth of the Trees," cried Varda.

    "Verily will the hearts of your sons sing in pride at their father's sacrifice," Nienna added.

    "Cherished you will be if you aid us now," Manwe proclaimed, "and First of the Eldar will I hold you."

    Feanor wept again but responded, "surely I would rather lose myself than the Silmarils but I will yield that you may bring back the Light."

    Gladly then did the Valar accompany Feanor to the Iron Chamber where they were kept. As they approached, they saw Melkor preparing to strike Finwe in order that he might gain entrance and the Silmarils. Swiftly did Tulkas raise his arm and smite Melkor to the ground even as Finwe raised his arm to guard against Melkor's blow.

    "Truly you are a villain," exclaimed Manwe, "and into the Halls of Mandos will you go, never to trouble Valinor again."

    Thus were the Two Trees restored and Feanor exalted even above his father Finwe for sacrificing the Love of his Labor that the Eldar might enjoy the lights of Telperion and Laurelin once and ever more.
    [charsig=http://lotrosigs.level3.turbine.com/0320200000003f4e4/01007/signature.png]Felaguin[/charsig]

  24. #74

    Talking

    J.R.R. Tolkien was just finishing up The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, when he accidentally spilled the coffee he was sipping all over his computer. Later, he re-wrote the story but forgot that Sauron was the bad guy and made him take the ring to Mount Doom.


    Gandalf placed the crown on Aragon and said, 'now come the days of the king.' 'You know what,' Aragorn lamented, 'I don't really want to be a king after all... they say Pipe-Weed is un-kingly and, well....'

    Frodo and Sam were dragging Gollum over the rocks when Frodo stopped and said, 'you know what, I'm tired of this priss, he doesn't even liked Pipe-Weed! Let's just tie him up and leave him!' Sam disagreed, but in the end, Gollum was tied to a rock and Frodo and Sam ended up taking the 'easy way' into Mordor.

    Nice work, Felaguin!

  25. #75
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    4 Chalk Road, Nettlevale
    Posts
    1,557

    Thumbs up


    Quote Originally Posted by Felaguin View Post
    Thus were the Two Trees restored and Feanor exalted even above his father Finwe for sacrificing the Love of his Labor that the Eldar might enjoy the lights of Telperion and Laurelin once and ever more.
    And thankfully so! Otherwise we would have to deal with the intricacies of a sun and moon and even a round world with time differences and all *shudders*
    Kibilturg; Watchers of Elendil (Landroval) & Tarciryan Knights (Crickhollow)
    RIP Imladris

 

 
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