Lines that would have changed LOTR forever...

[bambubambubambu]

Gandalf: 'Okay you've tempted me Frodo. I would use this Ring to do good. But mostly I would use it to get free ale and pipeweed for life. Tell you what, give it here and lets go have a pint at the Ivy Bush right now.'
Frodo: 'Sounds like a plan!'

[LagunaD]

Eomer's eyes blazed, and the men of Rohan murmured angrily, and closed in, advancing their spears. 'I would cut off your head, beard and all, Master Dorf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground,' said Eomer.

'That can be arranged,' said Legolas, grabbing the fat, stinky Dorf by its belt and helpfully lifting it several feet in the air with hands that moved quicker than sight.

[RLhunterman]

"Master!" cried Sam.

Then Frodo stirred and spoke with a clear voice, indeed with a voice clearer and more powerful than Sam had ever heard him use, and it rose above the throb and turmoil of Mount Doom, ringing in the roof and walls.

"I have come," he said. "But I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Ring is mine!"

"You're right." said Sam. "Gandalf did give us the Ring to do with as we please, afterall. I mean why did we even come here? On the whim of one of those dumb ole elves! Now lets go back and find our dear Gollum, and set up our Kingdom of the Hobbits."

In the following months, the Dark Lord Frodo overthrew Sauron and set up his dark hobbit hole in Michel Delving. Samwise the Wide served him forevermore from the Hobbit Hole of Orthanc. Gollum would be known as the Mouth of Frodo from then on. Frodo would have dominion over all pipeweed and ale for the ages to come, and everybody lived miserably ever after.

The End.

[Andunion]

Gandalf:Hey Saruman, you should totaly join us now that Isengard is ruined.

Saruman:Hey, maybe you're right, I mean if Morgoth was defeated twice, Sauron doesn't have a chance.

And then there were two meddling wizards.

[Ioralor]

Elrond: "Then it's agreed. Pippin will take the ring into Mordor."

[Isilmacil]

Frodo: "My party has come and gone and still no sign of Gandalf. Buuuut I suppose I can wait one more day. Whats the worse that could happen".

[Ioralor]

Gollum: It came to me, my own, my love... my... Steeeeeve.

[RLhunterman]

Frodo: "You're right Sam, it was Gollum." *kicks Gollum off cliff*

Sam: "Good riddance! Now, where to Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo: "...."

[Dol_Amroth_Knight]

Saruman cried out to his followers, "You do know pain! You do know fear! You probably won't eat anything but maggoty bread for three stinking days!"

The Uruk-hai look at each other questioningly and promptly start a strike complete with picket signs and catchy slogans. Isengard was shortly thereafter defeated by Orc labor unions.

Gandalf stood firm at first against the Balrog, but drew a blank on the bridge. "YOU... SHALL... ERM... PASS!"

"The Orcs jeered and yelled. 'Come down! Come down!' they cried. 'If you wish to speak to us, come down! Bring out your king! We are the fighting Uruk-hai. We will fetch him from his hole, if he does not come. Bring out your skulking king!'

'The king shall go down to you and we surrender,' said Aragorn."

"It seemed to Frodo then that he heard, quite plainly but far off, voices out of the past: 'What a pity Bilbo did not stab the vile creature, when he had a chance!' 'Pity? Bilbo was a mean MOFO, I couldn't recognize what was left of Gollum when Bilbo was finished with him.' Frodo then wondered about it as he and Sam trekked through Rhun towards Dale."

[Andunion]

Frodo: Take it Gandalf, take the ring!
Gandalf: Don't tempt me Frodo, I.....its so shiny, give it to me!


Aragorn: I call you to fulfill you're oaths!
Oathbreakers: You know what, were just not feeling it today.


Fingolfin: Morgoth I challenge you to a duel.
Melkor: You're going down!
Fingolfin: /stab in the face

Beren: I think one silmarill is enough for me.


Thingol waking up after staring at Melian for who knows how many years.
Thingol: Oh yeah, Im supposed to go to my people.


Faramir:Here I have you, in the wild, a host of men at my command, and The One Ring within my grasp.You're going straight to my father, he'll be so proud of me.


Galdor: Maybe I should wear a helmet for this battle.

[Ioralor]

Gandalf: What do you see? Can you see anything?
Frodo: Nothing. There's nothing. Wait... there are markings. It says...made in China?

[RLhunterman]

Gandalf: "On second thought, Gondor will be just fine. There's no need for us to go to their aid, Theoden King."
Gimli: "Well that settles it, break open the ale!"
Aragorn: "Yeah, I don't feel like being king anyway. Too much work."

[Haunt123]

Sam: "Mr. Frodo, wouldn't it be great if you included in your book that guy who cleaned up our tracks, saved Eriador from the Shadows of Angmar, became a hero of Moria, Rhovanion, Rohan, etc., without whom the Shire would have been destroyed?"

Frodo: "Yes Sam, I almost forgot to give even a single mention of him!"

[BillyBeard]

- "the eagles are comming, the eagles are comming!"

- "Hi I'm Don Henley"
__________

- "But long ago he rode away, And where he dwelleth none can say. For into darkness fell his star, In Mordor, where the shadows are."

- "Hi I'm Hank Marvin"

[Ioralor]

- "the eagles are comming, the eagles are comming!"

- "Hi I'm Don Henley"

If I could give you rep, I would. That was too funny!

Bilbo: "Frodo ought to be comfortable here. I am leaving everything to him, of course, except a few oddments."
Gandalf: "Everything? The ring as well?"
Bilbo: "Everything except that. I have actually decided to leave the ring to Lobelia. You know she and Otho would have inherited Bag End if I hadn't taken in dear Frodo? It was the least I could do."

[DwarfFriend]

Tolkien: "Hmmmm, let's start writing..."

PROLOGUE

I
Concerning Cabbages
This book is largely concerned with cabbages, and from its pages a reader may discover much of their (savourish) character and a little of their history... etc.

[DwarfFriend]

Treebeard: "But if I had seen you before I heard you, I should just have trodden on you, taking you for little Orcs, and found out my mistake afterwards."

Pippin: "Yeah, we do look a bit like orcs from a distance don't we?"

/SPLASH (Merry and Pippin are both squashed by a giant tree-leg)

Treebeard: "Fladrif, what are you doing? Those were two little friends of mine!"

Fladrif: "Oh my God, I am SO sorry! I thought they were little orcs!!!"

Treebeard: "I know, right?"

[Mozzarellala]

Feanor: "Hmm, maybe I should just let them go. After all they are only things."

Sons: "Oh thank God, I thought dad was going to make us swear to follow after those things till our deaths... phew..."

[bambubambubambu]

'I shall call you Sting! For I have foolishly sat upon you, and you have pricked me in the buttocks! Good thing we're still in Rivendell. I'd better have Elrond take a look at this.'

[Mellonbeleg]

Gandalf: Authority is not given to you to deny the return of the king, Steward.
Denethor: You are absolutely right and I will do all in my power to help Aragorn and give him the throne.

Gandalf: That leaves you just ten minutes, you will have to run.
Biblo: oh I set all the clocks in my house twenty minutes fast.
Gandalf: Then there is no point in you leaving, they will be long gone by now.
Biblo: OK, crummy sort of adventure anyway.

Eru: I didn't like your music and as such will not make it be.

[Mozzarellala]

Sam: "Mr. Frodo, wouldn't it be great if you included in your book that guy who cleaned up our tracks, saved Eriador from the Shadows of Angmar, became a hero of Moria, Rhovanion, Rohan, etc., without whom the Shire would have been destroyed?"

Frodo: "Yes Sam, I almost forgot to give even a single mention of him!"

Best.

[Ioralor]

We've spoken it over and I think we are just going to leave it at thirteen. I mean we're thirteen dwarves afterall. That's already quite a lot and any more would surely get in the way. And I know we discussed the need of a burglar but what good is a burglar going to be anyway? We can't exactly burgle the whole dragon's hoard out from under his nose, now can we?

In fact, I think we're just going to have a nice long talk with old Smaug. I'm certain he'll be reasonable.

[Gilstad]

"One cannot simply walk into Mordor," said Boromir.

With that there was a great gust of wind, and a shadow passed amongst them. The Council had not so much as raised half an eyebrow before a sudden dread fell upon them, for the One Ring was gone!

A great voice sounded then, like the blaring of a giants trumpet: "Perhaps not, but one can certainly fly!"

Gandalf rose up then, raising his finger towards the sky. "Look to the east!"

For there, amidst the glare of the sun was the Lord of the Eagles, the One Ring gripped in his talons. In his pride, the eagle could not resist reminding them: "I'm doing all you daft sods a favour, and not for the first time!"

Aragorn bowed his head low, placing a hand on the shoulder of Boromir: "Perhaps the King of All Birds hath wisdom in excess of all this council, and hath saved many a needless death."

Boromir shrugged. "Yeah, but I was kind of itching for a fight. A lesser man might have fallen, but no Lord of Gondor. Have you seen these pipes, Aragorn? Like a rock, Aragorn. Like a rock."

[Lynore]

In Moria...

Pippin felt curiously attracted to the well...he crept to the edge and peered over...Moved by a sudden impulse he groped for a loose stone. Unfortunately, he didn't find one. Patting around further his hand closed over a small metal object on a long chain near where Frodo was sleeping. "This will do!" He thought as he dropped it into the endless chasm below.

[RKL]

Aragorn: How do you feel about premarital relations?

Arwen: Take a hike, Bozo.