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  1. #126
    Been a kinship leader in two kins since starting 5 years ago. First kin i took over as all the "core" players went inactive and i made it from the ground up, got to the point where we could start some casual raiding and everyone started picking fights and falling out over nothing in the end i quit that kinship as i wanted to play a game not have a mini UN meeting everynight trying to bring peace to silly conflicts.

    My current kin that i and a few friends made is a casual kinship, we let members do what they like aslong as its friendly (but not to the forces of evil)and they can be as active as they like. Im abit of a solo player im not big on raids and i never take an instance seriously, Only problem is that we have people join play for a week and they never return and slowly we lost our active members to raiding kins as they got bored of catering to these people who join but leave soon after. I think running a kinship is alot more draining and depressing than just being a member of one. Give some respect to the people trying to bring you together and have fun.

  2. #127
    Quote Originally Posted by Renur View Post
    I think running a kinship is alot more draining and depressing than just being a member of one. Give some respect to the people trying to bring you together and have fun.
    It certainly takes its toll. Running a Kin is a lot of work.

  3. #128
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by silent-p View Post
    It certainly takes its toll. Running a Kin is a lot of work.
    Indeed. I would never want to do it.

  4. #129
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    The Netherlands
    As leader of a medium-sized casual kinship I have read this thread with great interest.
    All these issues which can keep a casual player from joining a kinship are of invaluable worth to someone like me.
    As a former soloplayer I recognize alot of this, but after 18 months of leading it is good to realize it again.
    So thanks
    [B][URL="https://www.lotro.com/forums/showthread.php?385713-Kinship-Revamp-Proposal"][COLOR=#ed2669]A vote for the kinship revamp proposal is a vote for progress! Vote today![/COLOR][/URL][/B]

  5. #130
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    This is really interesting thread. Im a newbie so i dont know a lot about the game and what lies in future quests etc..

    Couple of days after joining i made my kin reserved for my girlfriend, my brother and two of my friends (who i brought from different MMORPG).

    I didnt know about 8 character rule so i set myself couple of rules for accepting new people to my kin:

    1) Ill accept only those who I have previously done couple of quests and I think are on the same level of thinking
    2) Ill keep it small but very personal
    3) Kinship members are free to do what they find best and since all would be very friendly it would not pose a problem to say to others he/she is not interested in doing something atm

    So once i found that 8 char rule i had to plea peeps around me to join in just to make it trough the week. Luckily we are 7 now 5+alts and hopefully we will be 8 soon with no alts.

    That being said i was thinking about fellowships and kinships. Think fellowship is quite fine bond for people to do quests and so on but kinship just give u feeling of belonging somewhere in this huge world.

    I would never join big kinship as someone said it makes things very impersonal and "plastic".

    For me kinship should be safe haven for discussion, hanging out and just being more open with friends than u usually are.

    As i said i ll try to make my kinship feel like family with no obligations regarding organized activities.

  6. #131

    Angry Kinless

    Thank you all for the interesting posts. I've very recently had a most unpleasant experience with a certain kinship which led to my expulsion for a case of mistaken identity - I was accused of having an alt toon in a hated rival kinship (why do they even exist?). One of the leaders was rude and immature about his cryptic response to my question of why I was expelled "you know, don't pretend that you don't because you do". THEN, a list of silly excuses were cobbled together to explain my expulsion away - I wasn't social enough ("hello kin" every single time I logged on), I didn't give enough (always gave unwanted mats when asked), or my favourite - I wasn't leveling quickly enough (since when was this WoW????). So, at least the other leader was nice enough to apologise for the other leader's behaviour, but now I find myself in the interesting position of having a main character kinless, and I'm thinking of staying that way. If this is the standard of kins on Withywindle then no thank you. I'm sure there are some good kinships, but this recent experience has left me rather rattled - to the point where I'm thinking of focusing on my other toons on Silverlode. Do others have similar experiences????

  7. #132
    I started a new set of toons in the server im presently playing and im enjoying my solo play more than i did when i was in a kin. Why did i left my kin? Well,there was no drama,no social obligation,great fellow kin members and we were free to do as we liked most of the time but i felt "caged" for some odd reason that i can´t explain.
    Anyways,i think that most of the solo players that were at a kin will have the same sense of "freedom" and i believe that most of them will refuse to enter any new kin because this newfound liberty will be hard to relinquish (it is in my personal case).

  8. #133
    Gothicmage, please feel free to contact me in game if your interested to join our kinship. No rules except be polite to each other. It's super quiet at the moment but I'm hoping to change that with people of any level and ability. Forgive me for pouncing so soon but we genuinely need good people
    Last edited by BFM; Mar 25 2013 at 02:38 PM. Reason: typo

  9. #134
    I think I've mentioned this on a different thread (it might have been this one earlier on) but the problem with kinship's, for me, is that I never seem to fit in to any that I've tried out in the past. When I had a spell in a large kin, it felt like I was just a "number", practically ignored every-time I tried to strike up or join in a conversation. While I haven't been in a small, close-knit kin (by that I mean about 20 or less) I don't think it would work either, because I would probably feel like I was intruding on something i'm not meant to involved with.

    It's got to the point where i'm considering setting up my own kin, stacked up with alts, so I don't get pestered. Another thing that sadden's me, I'm usually polite and helpful in terms of assisting other players with quests/crafting, yet the only people that remain "friendly" and talkative usually spend most of the time trying to sell their respective kinship's to me.

    While I enjoy the relative freedom of not being in a kin, leveling up/crafting/exploring by oneself can get very lonely. It's a temptation that I've had to resist a few times, but I just don't believe that there is a kin out there in which I could feel properly comfortable with. I can't even bring myself to experiment/try-out different kin's, because then i'll eventually be labeled as a kin-hopper, and I'd rather not have to contend with that particular baggage as well.

  10. #135


    Thank you for your interest. I would like to believe there ARE good kinships. I may well take you up on the offer when I'm back on Withy. Thank you

  11. #136
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Hertfordshire, UK
    My "career" with mmo's has always been a social one, and usually in a leadership role, in all the games i have played (played for more than a month or two that is) i have either been guild leader or an officer in the guilds i have been in, including running a successful full progression guild in wow. I've even been responsible for multi-guild communities in some games I've played. So as you can tell i've always been at the focal point of communities in mmo's.

    Here i'm more of a solo soul, however i am in a kin, it's not a real kin though as it only consists of myself and five of my friends who have kept in touch from my early mmo days and they're all related (three brothers and one of the brothers two kids), it's quiet and there's no commitment, i'm enjoying the "timeout" from running things, i'm enjoying taking it easy with nobody needing me to organised thing, playing at my own speed in my own way.

    However, i am starting to get a little ... what's the word? ... fidgety? ... i think sometime soon i might need to start looking for a kinship with a little more happening, one that does 3, 6, 12 man raids etc, preferably one with a more relaxed atmosphere where people are more interested in having fun and enjoying the game than beating the raids first time out etc.

  12. #137
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Frankfurt Main Germany
    Reading all off this I must be happy with the kinship I stumble about. My wife, I and 3 other lvl 35+ want to do the old Garth Arwen and we had problems. Some nice 65 minstrel join and we had a funny run. 5 Minutes after we finish he ask if we want to join. After a short interview we were in and after 3 weeks full member. I never regretted it, just awesome guys and girls to hang around with. Friendly, helpful and no one cares what you talk in kin chat since we only accept players over 18. We are grown up, we share, we have a good time.
    Officer of Radix Lecti @ Laurelin (the only real taters)
    You want to know more?
    The wise & sociable 2012
    Hero of the small folk 2013
    Original Tundra Cub owner 2014
    The kinship that brought the hobbit to Isengard :)

  13. #138
    Quote Originally Posted by Dorothir View Post
    For example, someone had said 'wt[eff]' (can't type it here, apparently) in kin and was cautioned not to say it again by the leader due to children being in the kin (so much for age restrictions on the game, eh?). I didn't like it, since it was clearly a sign of an overly controlling leader. I then looked at their rules and noticed things like 'no selling items won in raids' and 'items go to mains who need them before alts'. I decided to leave.
    Out of interest why didn't you take the time to read the rules before joining the kin?

  14. #139
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    SW Missouri
    And all of this is why I stay in my kin with my real life college friends. We may be small, but we all know each other, our spouses, our kids, etc., and have a great time playing. We've had a few others join us, some have left, but we've no reason to deal with all the silliness and stupidity that so often happens- no politics, no arguments, no power struggles, no rivals- just friends getting together to talk and have fun.

    That's what a kin should be anyways, not what some of them seem to insist on.
    Firefoot: Elendale (hunter) Galorlas (champ) Grimlaff (warden) Corny (warg)

  15. #140
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Like sirwillow, the only Kinship/Guild I was in that was not fraught with stupidity/egomaniacs/morons was one I and some RL friends formed when we first started playing DDO (but it petered out when everyone but me and another guy stopped playing DDO, and then I stopped, too). Every other Kinship/Guild membership has been short-lived because there was always at least one member or leader who made it not worth the effort. Most of the time, Kinships are just a means to a chat channel, so I never got anything out of being a member other than that, the novelty of which wears out pretty quickly.

    Most people are OK blokes and blokettes. But it only take one (especially if it's a leader) rotten Kinship member to cause me to press the button. I have no choice but to occasionally deal with jerks IRL. But I have complete and total control over whom I associate with in an MMO.

    In response to GothicMage, my experience is that more often than not, Kinship/Guild leaders are control freaks. That's the reason they start Kinships/Guilds. So we have the ol' leadership catch-22: those most interested in leading Kinships/Guilds are by definition least suited to lead them.

  16. #141
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by maxjenius View Post

    Most people are OK blokes and blokettes. But it only take one (especially if it's a leader) rotten Kinship member to cause me to press the button.
    Our kinship gets around that by voting in our officers and leader who are all subject to term limits. Once their term is up they have to seek re-election (and others can stand against them obviously). So far it has worked very well considering that we have been active since the day the game launched.

  17. #142
    All my level capped toons are in kins, mainly because they need group exposure to progress further.

    However, when I level an alt I make sure they are kinless until level cap, or very near to.

    I find it liberating also, and somewhat remote. It reminds me of how things were when I started playing Lotro, when the game was just about exploring Middle Earth and immersing myself in the world.

    When I want some more dynamic action I can always log my mains.

  18. #143
    My husband and I started our kinship after having some similar experiences, we are going strong 4 1/2 years now. It was the best decision we made in LOTRO, we have gained great allies and wonderful life long friends. If you are seeking a certain type of kinship why not just make one? With enough commitment your kinship too can prosper.

  19. #144
    I know the feeling of being in guilds that are large and being ignored:< but, on a related note. I been a member,Officer and currently a leader of a guild/kin here in lotro, when F2P first hit we went well. had about 6-7 people active maybe more. Then at one point Me and couple other people decided to go back were we first played together (Guild Wars 1 which i still lead there) after couple months decided to come back, there was about grand total (and still is) a Small fellowship worth (me and two others.) and it kept going like this for about a couple years. So yeah thats my Kinlife story.

  20. #145
    I can understand people staying kinless. I believe some people are meant to be solo players. Nothing wrong with that. I have led a few kins on a few different servers, mostly for the reason many of you stated, I couldn't find any kins that suited me so....make my own.

    The thing is, you can go through a dozen kins and not find the right fit, that doesn't mean there isn't a kin for you, you just may not have stumbled on it yet.

    I find it amamzing how different we can all be. From kins that spam invite, no care to who they recruit, to those who have more rules than I have at my job. (My favorite one...if you're in a pug and the kin leader wants you to do a run with him, you have to drop your pug immediatley or get a "warning"...really?) lol point is that's not my style by a long shot, but hey, they have members so there are others with that same mindset.

    As I said, sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right kin for you...there are ALL kinds out there.

    In the end, whether you go with a kin or not...enjoy the game....thats why we play.

    Nothing to see here...

  21. #146

    The woes of kinships

    I find myself agreeing with most of what's posted here. I have most of my characters on Withywindle, and it is there I've experienced my challenges with kinships. In fact I was questing around Weathertop with my level 23 Rune Keeper and was sent a tell by a friendly person (I still have a lot of regard for this person even now) who wanted to know if I'd like to join a kinship. Having experienced less than ideal experiences in the past I was hesitant but decided to give it a try. It started off well - being social with the regulars, slowly getting to know them, being given good advice when seeking it, and so on. There was one officer, however, who epitomised the essence of 'pettiness'. Now, in LOTRO, as well as real life, I tend to be very introverted and more comfortable in my own space, and it takes quite a bit of energy to even WANT to say anything in kinship chat. When I did, though, I found myself having a good time questing and joking with the kin mates, till this one officer decided they'd be nasty because they weren't the centre of attention and began being really quite childish and petty - even threatening to remove kin chat from their General tab and some such nonsense. Suffice it to say, I closed up quicker than a frightened turtle and said not a word further. During the next few days it seemed that each time I logged into the game, all chat would cease. At first I chalked it up to coincidence till I realised it happened every single time I logged on, so after doing my own solo thing I realised I could be doing this without the need to belong to a kinship and left.

    I suppose this is the more pleasant experience I've had in kinships so far. In one kinship I was, without a word, booted out, and it turns out that one of the founders believed that an alt character of mine belonged to a hated rival kinship. I had no idea what they were talking about. One of my favourite experiences was the time my kin mates went suddenly cold towards me because - get this - my modem crashed, which means I couldn't continue the fellowship quest. Another kinship I belonged to was helpful and so forth, but after a while I found myself usually being the only one online for weeks. At the moment I have established more characters on another server - Snowbourn. I have, with a real life friend, established our own kinship where we park all our alt characters and actually prefer that. I will probably rely on pugs for the necessary group content but remain kinless on Withywindle. I was beginning to think it was me, till all you lovely people shared your own stories. Thank you

    Kinships? No thank you!

  22. #147
    I have played online games for nearly 21 years now and there are benefits to solo and joint play,
    but I do find that when you decide to band together a lot of the play time turns into just a glorified online chat session.
    Most people find this fun, but to me I join a kinship to help others whilst still spending the time to get my own stuff done.

  23. #148
    My best friend, who brought me to LOTRO and I started a kin with all our alts. It's not even old enough to get a house yet. We seriously doubt we'll open it to anyone else unless we know them (trying to convince her daughter and my son to come over to our server and join). That's about enough of a social life for me. We obviously don't have enough people to do raids or even 6-man, but it does keep people from asking you to join their kin. We'll pug if we need to do bigger stuff.

    I've contemplated starting a second account and possibly trying a different kin, but funds are limited so I doubt that I will.

  24. #149
    I'll try to be brief.

    I'm a gamer in my 40s and I started out with old school (you know, actual) role-playing games. My video gaming experience dates back to the birth of Atari and on through WoW and many others. I've been a successful leader and had fun as a regular member. I have grown tired of the drama inherent in any guild, but more-so I am tired of the drama associated with other leaders. After all, when the problem is the leadership, there is nothing you can do except leave. In fact, I left for nearly 2 years (recently returned) specifically due to the frustration of dealing with virtual sociopaths.

    In this game, I like Kins for the social interaction and occasional team-ups... especially when they are necessary (instances and raids). I never really liked PuGs for the various reasons most people dislike them and, unfortunately, general chat channels are mostly absurd. Even GLFF on Imladris gives me a headache within minutes since it is used for anything except looking for a fellowship. In fact, most times I turn it on and see someone advertise for a group, they get heckled and ridiculed. This is part of the reason a kin is necessary.

    I have a rank 10 kin with my son and we decided, upon our return, to give a go of making it a non-private kinship. After a couple of days of trying, I quickly remembered why I never like to randomly recruit and we are back to just being the two of us again. We might try it again one day. Then again, we might not. I won't join an established kinship this time because it's not worth the risk of wasted time if things don't work out. Basically, I'm too old for that... stuff. Besides, I love our kin name and while I could join another kin and keep our name on alts, there is no point in having it if I'm not wearing it. It is central to the backstories I made years ago and continue to run through my head (role-playing with myself, such as it is) and I would lose an aspect I love about the game if I were to leave my stories behind (even if they are just in my head).

    So, I am essentially kinless. The game is far too quiet and I miss the social interactions (the kinship interactions... I'd never miss open, general nonsense). I miss grouping and fellowshipping for instances and have no idea what I'll do when I feel like raiding again. Still, I'm enjoying the play I am having and I'm glad to be back. Thankfully, I love alts and can grind and craft pretty much anything I need. I spent much of my time in my first year and a half becoming completely self-sufficient, even when I was in active kinships. I don't know how long this run will last without any regular social interactions... but I guess I'll find out.
    Last edited by InnerPieces; Jan 07 2014 at 07:24 PM.

  25. #150

    In the Same Boat

    Interesting thread. I started playing at launch in 2007, left in 2010 for a couple of years (in fact, right after f2p arrived), and came back late in 2012. Since returning I've been in several kinships and have been dissatisfied with all of them. Like the OP, I'm an older player who mostly goes solo, especially since the game has been made so much easier than it used to be. Consequently, I'm mainly looking for a social experience (meaning chat and occasional grouping) from a kinship. I'm not expecting much, really, but sometimes I don't even get a "hello" or a response to my greeting when I log in, and most kinships can't seem to get it together for even the simplest group activities. I remember being in a couple of friendly, active kinships early on, and am wondering how much f2p and the general dumbing-down of the game had to do with this decline in the social experience. I think the solution may be for my wife and me to form our own closed kinship.
    Hamlet was right . . . but so was P.T. Barnum!


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