And lo, he placed his plastic satchel of cashews upon his enemies brow and grinded fervently as befitted a man of his stature and rank. Verily did the tears flow down the twisted features of the vanquished and most uproariously doth the free peoples sing of the victory.
KC, I suggest a Teddy bear, as the following diagram will explain.
the amount of fluffy and cuddly is inversely proportionate to the size of monster it can fend off. Your average course handmedown probably can't even take a jabberwock. God help you if the borogroves are mimsy or the mome raths outgrabe.