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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Michigan
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    2,805

    Offensive Hunter

    I was minding my own wargy business up on the 3rd floor of Tirith Rhaw when the faint smell of a familiar huntress tickled my nostrils. I recognized the scent of this particular huntress because she is well known among my brethern, in large part because of the reputation she has for keeping a small pouch of warg teeth on her belt. How is that for sick and twisted?

    This hunter is named Pantherean(1) and she plugged me with a couple of arrows when I was already engaged with a Coldfells Hunter of no renown. I didn't care to have my dentures made a part of her evil collection so I jumped out of the 3rd floor window and much to my surprise her blood-lust compelled her to follow. You just know that an elf has to be some sort of crazy homocidal maniac to follow me out of a 3rd floor window - do all elf females act this way? I heard that is the case, which would explain their effeminate males who are more likely to run around in dresses than the females, not that I understand the significance of these sorts of distinctions. The whole clothing thing is a puzzlement, but I digress.

    So this hunter and I battled for a bit and after she died I walked around to the front of TR to stretch my battered legs only to get rolled by Fires of Barndor (2), a kinship of which she is allegedly a part.

    The whole incident really left me with many questions:
    Did she call on her brethern to aid her against a lone warg?
    Did she really flip me the "I'm number one" sign while we were battling?
    Did she know one call could save her 15% on horse insurance?

    Any ways, this Pantherean knows the evil she did and I'm just letting her know that I'm not eating lunch today so that I'm good and hungry for tonight's hunt. Please take a bath, drink 3 glasses of spiced wine, and put a drop of BBQ sauce behind each ear because the menu for tonight's feast is going to be YOU.



    NOTES
    -----------------------------------------------
    1: Name changed to protect the guilty.
    2: Name changed to protect the guilty.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Red-light district, Beggar's Alley
    Posts
    332

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    "...drink 3 glasses of spiced wine, and put a drop of BBQ sauce behind each ear because the menu for tonight's feast is going to be YOU
    hmmm, I might try this tonight for real...wish me luck!!!

    srsly, good read +rep
    [CENTER][FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna][I]Face[COLOR=darkorange]tious[/COLOR][COLOR=sandybrown]: not[/COLOR] [COLOR=darkorange]mean[/COLOR]t to be t[COLOR=darkorange]aken[/COLOR] [COLOR=sandybrown]seriou[/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange]sly or [/COLOR]literall[COLOR=darkorange]y: [/COLOR][/I][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#ffffff][I][FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna][COLOR=darkorange]lack[/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange]ing se[/COLOR][COLOR=sandybrown]rious [/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange]inten[/COLOR]t: aka "[COLOR=darkorange]life's too [/COLOR][COLOR=sandybrown]short": [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/COLOR][/FONT][COLOR=sienna][B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkorange][COLOR=sandybrown]my[/COLOR] middle[/COLOR] name[/FONT][/B][/COLOR][/CENTER]
    [CENTER][FONT=Lucida Handwriting][COLOR=orange][FONT=Verdana][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#ff8c00][charsig=http://lotrosigs.level3.turbine.com/032020000002fe0a3/01004/signature.png]Pidgette[/charsig][/COLOR][/FONT][/FONT][/COLOR][/FONT][/CENTER]
    [CENTER][COLOR=darkgreen][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=seagreen][COLOR=sandybrown][COLOR=darkorange](u[/COLOR]nof[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange][COLOR=sandybrown]f[/COLOR]i[/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange]cial [/COLOR][COLOR=sienna]grou[/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange]pie a[/COLOR][COLOR=sandybrown]nd thre[/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange]adsta[/COLOR][COLOR=sienna]l[/COLOR][COLOR=sienna]ker [/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange]of[/COLOR] [COLOR=sienna]Sarcasmo[/COLOR][COLOR=darkorange])[/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR][/CENTER]

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    lost again
    Posts
    204

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    LMAO.

    I love the way you can tell a good story, and that was a fish tale if I ever read one. Few things I must clarify though, since you obviously weren't paying much attention.

    First, the pouch on my belt has a vial of drake scent in it. (Don't ask.) And I don't keep wargteeth (although maybe I should after this). I do however have some fine warg claws made into a necklace that I like to wear.

    Second, you weren't rolled by freeps when you walked around the front of TR. As I recall, upon my return from the rez circle, there was only one freep besides me at TR. It was he who killed you, and I'll have it be known that he is not nor ever was in my kin. In fact, I don't even remember the name of who killed you, since I have a hard time remembering people I've never met. Now I will admit that after your death, some of my kinnies did arrive at TR. But that was because of the mass of creeps walking across the lawn.

    I did not call my brethren for aid, although they knew I was fighting you. I was enjoying the spar.
    The apparent "I'm number one" sign was probably me getting ready to sneeze. I'm developing an allergy to fleas.
    And does that insurance include goats?

    Please groom your fur before tonight. I don't like my rugs to be full of mats. Oh, and try not to break any claws...my necklace could use a few more.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,805

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Quote Originally Posted by JaguarJo View Post
    [Insert Wine Fueled Rant Here]
    Oh for heaven's sake, I was trying to be discrete and protect your identity.

    At any rate, this incoherent rant of yours is evidence of one thing: You've honored my request and have already put away 3 glasses of Elven Port. By the looks of things, you're probably already onto your second bottle.

    I'll look for a huntress vomitting behind a rock outside GV.
    Last edited by Jerboa; May 06 2010 at 05:45 PM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,805

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Quick Question for the Community:

    As our beloved community is fully aware, the chronically drunk elf "maiden" and I have posted two entirely incompatible accounts of an unfortunate encounter that occurred behind Tirith Rhaw last evening. There is no way to reconcile my testimony with her fabrication which leads me to wonder one thing: Whom the does the community believe?

    So I ask the good and honest people of Firefoot "Whom do you believe?".

    A: Jaguarean (AKA: Fib-Lips, Wormtongue, L0@d3d D|c3)
    B: Wargfoot (AKA: Abe Lincoln, Man's Best Friend, The New Hotness)

    Cast your votes.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    The Moors
    Posts
    1,221

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Got screenshots? C'mon, I know you do...

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,805

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Quote Originally Posted by DreagonMK View Post
    Got screenshots? C'mon, I know you do...
    The encounter was so traumatizing I deleted LOTRO, and subsequently all screenshots, only to simmer down enough to re-install the client again so that I could give the Firefoot community another chance.

    BTW, I've put you down as a vote for Wargfoot.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    508

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Quote Originally Posted by JaguarJo View Post
    since I have a hard time remembering people I've never met.
    Thats funny.. kinda similar to the fact that i like people ive never met more than people i know
    Ouijja
    Worst Warg Ever-The Warg Formally Known As Coringoldtagger
    Taredrahil 100 champ- Elhereth 95 hunter- Erme 85 Burglar- Felwynd 100 Warden
    Lailath 98 minstrel-Quija 100 Lore-Master- Yrandir 31 Runekeeper- Derilect 100 Captain

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    New Jersey, U.S.A.
    Posts
    610

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    i vote for the Elf Warg

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    lost again
    Posts
    204

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    So I woke up this morning with a massive headache only to find myself lying in a field of green peas in the Shire. The arrows in my quiver have mysteriously been replaced with twigs and my armor is covered with filth, some of which appears to be dried saliva. I can't find my necklace.

    Can anyone remind me what happened last night? All I can remember is that I was fighting at Lugz...and then I guess I rode my horse to TR for some reason...and...and it gets really fuzzy after that.

    ...Hmmm...I've just received mail from a coldfells scout..."Thank you for the 'spar' last night...[edited for content] "

    *blushes crimson*

    ...oh dear, this isn't good. I should've never joined the Inn League...

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
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    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Quote Originally Posted by JaguarJo View Post
    So I woke up this morning with a massive headache only to find myself lying in a field of green peas in the Shire. The arrows in my quiver have mysteriously been replaced with twigs and my armor is covered with filth, some of which appears to be dried saliva. I can't find my necklace.

    Can anyone remind me what happened last night? All I can remember is that I was fighting at Lugz...and then I guess I rode my horse to TR for some reason...and...and it gets really fuzzy after that.

    ...Hmmm...I've just received mail from a coldfells scout..."Thank you for the 'spar' last night...[edited for content] "

    *blushes crimson*

    ...oh dear, this isn't good. I should've never joined the Inn League...
    This...THIS is why I kill Freeps.
    I don't want this gross immorality spreading to the Ettenmoores.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    lost again
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    204

    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerboa View Post
    This...THIS is why I kill Freeps.
    I don't want this gross immorality spreading to the Ettenmoores.
    Don't go getting all high and mighty; it was YOU who suggested that I should drink all that wine. So I'm holding YOU responsible for...whatever it was that happened last night.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
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    Re: Offensive Hunter

    Quote Originally Posted by JaguarJo View Post
    Don't go getting all high and mighty; it was YOU who suggested that I should drink all that wine. So I'm holding YOU responsible for...whatever it was that happened last night.
    I suggested you get drunk to dull the pain of your execution, not so you could use the occassion to turn Tirith Rhaw into a den of iniquity.
    It is just one of the many considerations we civilized wargs of Moor Chaos offer to the soon to be enslaved peoples.

    I spent all evening outside Tirith Rhaw on a hill overlooking the keep.
    All I could see were bright lights and shadows dancing past the windows.
    All I could smell was freshly roasted lamb, fruit pies, and wine.
    All I could hear was music and loud drunken singing (1).

    My closest hope for a meal was when a hobbit, dressed only in a makeshift toga with a small branch of ivy around each ankle, attempted to crawl out the 2nd floor window. He'd of been an easy kill but his toga snagged on the window sill and he hung there just out of my reach for about an hour. An observant commrade found him and pulled him back. Those 400 count cotton sheets have uncanny tensile strength.

    I fell asleep around 4 AM and woke up close to Noon only to find that at some time during the night the party had moved out onto the lawn. There were empty beer mugs, cutlery, and make shift togas littering the area. Apparently I had been burned in effigy, which would explain why your claw necklace is missing. I would have eaten the hung over dwarf I found except I would only be putting him out of his misery and lessing the pain of the soon to be enslaved peoples is against the code of Angmar.

    All in all I find your approach to sparring quite revolting.
    The whole episode has left me scarred for life.
    Thank heavens my welp wasn't there to see this disgraceful behavior.

    Yes, Jag, your behavior is repulsive to the moral sensibilities of a warg.
    Think about it.

    -Wargfoot



    NOTES
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    1: Your 2 AM table top delivery of the song, "My Elven Lover" was well done. Every time you'd hit the high note on the chorus I'd have to fold my ears back.
    Last edited by Jerboa; May 07 2010 at 04:56 PM.

 

 

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